tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67253656174422855072024-03-16T11:51:17.259-07:00Audrey’s Blog on living well with disability and breast cancer This blog is about my thoughts on my own experience of breast cancer and becoming disabled, on self care, my passion for improving health and healthcare and about heartful leadership in all areas of life.Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.comBlogger430125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-55746057115737885332024-03-13T11:07:00.000-07:002024-03-13T11:07:25.335-07:00Scanxiety? <p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFhHrZGdHiPBKqoKurjLPE1X12o8VGwYjyXx1HvEgjlucmNfDQcTgEVJ_jj_btVNvimYzzF3gIJ3SIiwOw9grqpoh3eab9-RIdoG4lyghJAkYU3YBW-HPbD6q87l2ruOMoxI_YX2Ruwpz4bHijg7_j9spzB8pZy-sfPHxQRyzEqpARZdJ5gE4KT91AMgs/s1534/IMG_0417.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="999" data-original-width="1534" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFhHrZGdHiPBKqoKurjLPE1X12o8VGwYjyXx1HvEgjlucmNfDQcTgEVJ_jj_btVNvimYzzF3gIJ3SIiwOw9grqpoh3eab9-RIdoG4lyghJAkYU3YBW-HPbD6q87l2ruOMoxI_YX2Ruwpz4bHijg7_j9spzB8pZy-sfPHxQRyzEqpARZdJ5gE4KT91AMgs/s320/IMG_0417.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;">It’s not peculiar to cancer but waiting for results can be the worst time of all. Last week I had really quite bad scanxiety. Yes it’s so bad it’s got its very own word. I had a follow up scan after a few months on olaparib at a lower dose. The truth is I’d been tolerating the drug fairly well apart from anaemia. So I’d had a transfusion after feeling the effects of anaemia; from breathless, swollen ankles and being a sleepysaurus. It helped me and life has been a bit better. BUT was it stopping the cancer ? That was the question and so I approached the scan with some trepidation.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The scan itself was simple but it’s the wait for result that starts to have an affect. The day before I was due to the clinic for the result the Secretary of the consultant called to ask if I could come at 1 pm rather than 12.10. It would save me waiting I was told. And that set the anxieties off. I imagined all sorts of reasons that on reflection seem so tenuous. But essentially I was being delayed because it was bad news. I was finally seen at 1.35. And by then I was truly scared. The door to the consultants office opened-How are you? he asked and I mentioned a couple of things then said but I’m really scared about this scan result and waited. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Well it’s good, shows that the cancer is under control. I slowly breathed out. Not shrunk but stayed under control. I will take that I say. So a few more remarks and I was out the door, planning the summer and not looking back. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Keep taking the tablets, look out for signs of anaemia and ask for a transfusion. I can do that. We then went away for a few days with good friends and enjoyed every moment. Happy days. We’ve even booked another trip together- life is good. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But tomorrow I have an MRI to look for any issues with my pituitary which might have contributed to the adrenal insufficiency that has resulted in a very low cortisol. It should be fine. But when the machine plays its discordant symphony I defy the stress levels not to be affected. And then it’s waiting for the result. But I’m sure it will be fine…….won’t it? </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-27396784697147865462024-03-03T05:41:00.000-08:002024-03-03T05:41:59.827-08:00Number one on the fuckit list is….?<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm7CFFOIxGLU9cN3ViJ7_VZD1LGhgBFalMsffS15v_D32gQPPJZjR0iIFeyFbvHEFE-kxITE7T5REVCAaMhQ27eysc1iwgkrt1OLVNuhIjwFbhSzoLfpueBZITSVWkodnOFj6nD69cE3JQjpSgM4i_WbzVnTiMW5GkEJfXYyLI-YZqr7FfFKkPjuAc61s/s1379/IMG_0405.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="842" data-original-width="1379" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm7CFFOIxGLU9cN3ViJ7_VZD1LGhgBFalMsffS15v_D32gQPPJZjR0iIFeyFbvHEFE-kxITE7T5REVCAaMhQ27eysc1iwgkrt1OLVNuhIjwFbhSzoLfpueBZITSVWkodnOFj6nD69cE3JQjpSgM4i_WbzVnTiMW5GkEJfXYyLI-YZqr7FfFKkPjuAc61s/s320/IMG_0405.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;">I’ve never been drawn to writing a bucket list. What I’m able to do changes regularly and it would lead to list of cant do’s and a loss of gratitude for what I can do. However I did hear once about a fuckit list. Now that’s worth exploring.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I’m thinking of compiling - over time- a list of things that are shoulds which one way or another will burden me at this stage in my life ( or let’s be honest at any stage in my life so far) and I am therefore seeking to ditch, perhaps with a suitable ceremony? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So far and so at the top of my list is ‘lose weight’. Honestly it’s so ingrained that I still fret about my shape and any extra weight I carry. And that has been the case since I was in my early 40s. It’s such a female thing and although I’ve tackled some major issues in my life, I’ve still held the belief that my value to the world is fundamentally attached to what I weigh. And I’ve always been a wee bit heavier than I’d want to be or that the BMI charts think I should be and so to follow that line of thought, of less value to the world. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Now even I can see that is clearly distorted thinking and yet I still catch myself judging myself harshly. So if I notice that line of thought I stop and try to see something to approve of instead. And the best thing is, it works and I feel better! So number one on the fuckit list is ‘I only count if I’m thin’………</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">……."fuck that! and go to the top of the list.</span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-56592258319313685712024-02-25T03:52:00.000-08:002024-02-25T03:52:43.249-08:00Future times? <p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw0GKdO9Zq5_T-GI_w6OaLLlW6tBfHN5ySUUcB_e9DIA6JZ1cPxX1faLBAZeI_K7C4paCwQjpXYJNEdMTPnDGE466CoCf_bwvG1y1S6FMe0OFHKdrmZl7OAac1xA_lCmmUj8DSCLiRe9FpLEPy2gYhw2Oql4WsKH5jxktoKjUDIn77UoyZ8IENGBjXPC0/s4032/IMG_6600.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw0GKdO9Zq5_T-GI_w6OaLLlW6tBfHN5ySUUcB_e9DIA6JZ1cPxX1faLBAZeI_K7C4paCwQjpXYJNEdMTPnDGE466CoCf_bwvG1y1S6FMe0OFHKdrmZl7OAac1xA_lCmmUj8DSCLiRe9FpLEPy2gYhw2Oql4WsKH5jxktoKjUDIn77UoyZ8IENGBjXPC0/s320/IMG_6600.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;">I find myself constantly changing timescales in my head. I never commit them to paper or even say them out loud. It means my level of comfort with planning varies. A passing comment like ‘let’s do this every year’ makes me hesitate before I reply. Yes definitely, my reply. And that hesitation expresses my doubt in my future. But strangely sits alongside the part of me that assumes a full future. That’s the part of me that keeps moving forward.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It’s hope that creates the momentum to keep going.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In the past I’ve watched friends and family approach each stage in their cancer journey with determination. And I’ve often thought how can they keep going? Even at times, why aren’t they giving up in the face of such an awful impact on their wellbeing? I’ve wondered if I could keep going in their situation. I’ve doubted my courage to continue. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But now if I step back and reflect on my situation I realise I am that person now. The person people look at and think, how does she keep going. I’ve assumed in the past that it’s grim determination that would be needed to get up each day. It would be like the final push of a marathon or a mountain climbed without the rush of the achievement. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHTbn9TzfuPYFqfj8S69DXZX5tKY24lVG8Y8wt813hR9jieyk-s25s-LtsFXfbxpOz-DFvFm3l7FaKrpOpTRYH3sP-AOGY0e-vavgCipvF_bOZTTynIylIwjlRNYUosoAuGj1c6MNpt01EHiHVgLe4pFbWPvxxCrAYkxxk-t1GV0U1lidN5cGrRWGhxo/s4032/IMG_6621.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHTbn9TzfuPYFqfj8S69DXZX5tKY24lVG8Y8wt813hR9jieyk-s25s-LtsFXfbxpOz-DFvFm3l7FaKrpOpTRYH3sP-AOGY0e-vavgCipvF_bOZTTynIylIwjlRNYUosoAuGj1c6MNpt01EHiHVgLe4pFbWPvxxCrAYkxxk-t1GV0U1lidN5cGrRWGhxo/w184-h245/IMG_6621.jpeg" width="184" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But for me at least, it’s not that. It’s the lure of life, of a daily simple routine, to stroke the cat and hear his purr, to laugh together on the antics of the latest video of our grandson, the spring flowers edging up. And time with family and friends is so very precious. Again it’s not the big things, it’s simple kindnesses, it’s time together, it’s hugs and hands held, it’s a shared acknowledgment of the precious experiences, it’s the quiet presence of love without words needed to prove its existence. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You see it doesn’t feel like a slog at all, it’s the precious privilege of life, enjoyed each day at a time. What a gift. </span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-60701830376529877732024-02-12T02:00:00.000-08:002024-02-12T02:03:34.311-08:00Some good times<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVhFf15gYyZY-tq2FADdMCub52yXJNxFS-vxddmwBUIln6TTGFpNu5TLwM-CBLUuaxjVP_XRs7_eVleUvsVl6C8OPO7tUZTtibaKRJOQdhpiIqeOjteZXkNXKXFCI_hzwrZ4395XzxWpyIavfOa6ICWpnHN7ZojEpUshjaVVVnPRrf2EzZt6UmfvGCGqY/s4032/IMG_6547.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVhFf15gYyZY-tq2FADdMCub52yXJNxFS-vxddmwBUIln6TTGFpNu5TLwM-CBLUuaxjVP_XRs7_eVleUvsVl6C8OPO7tUZTtibaKRJOQdhpiIqeOjteZXkNXKXFCI_hzwrZ4395XzxWpyIavfOa6ICWpnHN7ZojEpUshjaVVVnPRrf2EzZt6UmfvGCGqY/s320/IMG_6547.jpeg" width="240" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjceDKiKfqIvZqR2sCkDYafdqPevuO5VfOApoBLALRDYUw2smIyR8zxilI34-zKolJaxUcdOEQhCjYuZCj9VcDhfXS_qXNxY9mpK-4eT5PEiYLI7LxGcqUydWGjn0IZTFRhYFkpOlmJjlNhgWXpbnEwYiNZBZscSp-6F0ctSJRXoipALLMlfviYDP8BDnw/s2666/IMG_9704.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2353" data-original-width="2666" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjceDKiKfqIvZqR2sCkDYafdqPevuO5VfOApoBLALRDYUw2smIyR8zxilI34-zKolJaxUcdOEQhCjYuZCj9VcDhfXS_qXNxY9mpK-4eT5PEiYLI7LxGcqUydWGjn0IZTFRhYFkpOlmJjlNhgWXpbnEwYiNZBZscSp-6F0ctSJRXoipALLMlfviYDP8BDnw/s320/IMG_9704.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve had an amazing week and I’m still lifted by the different experiences. I’ve been talking about my book, The Journey to Better Times,a quote from a doctor I worked with, when I went back to work overwhelmed by loss and grief. He quietly took in my demeanour and said softly, there will be better times. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He was so right and this last week has been among the many times to savour since my first diagnosis of breast cancer. At first it was my birthday and whilst I’m <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>a bit old for balloons and blowing out candles on a cake, my wonderful family treated me to a super few days. And the best birthday cake candle ever! My sister and brother in law even managed a visit, which felt really special. I have a wonderful array of flowers and tasty gluten free treats that arrived unexpectedly and I felt/feel really loved. To all of you who made it so special I say a huge thank you, I’m treasuring it all. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And just as the adrenaline was settling and the treats finishing, the day approached of my book launch in Glasgow at the ALLIANCE, the charity I co-founded and chaired for the first 10 years. It was really relevant to launch the book there, as my thinking shaped and was shaped by the work in the ALLIANCE and the people I worked with were inspiring and encouraging. It was a very busy time but also very creative and challenging in a good way! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was nervous in advance and wondering how to ensure I enjoyed the day. My pain levels had been high, especially in my left hip. In fact I left the house calling out in pain as I tried to walk to the door. Thankfully a change in position relieved the extreme pain and I felt confident I could last the afternoon. My husband and daughter joined me which warmed and grounded me. The audience was a wonderful mix well known faces and people new to me and my work. ( You can buy on </span><a href="https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/394965421080#" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/394965421080#</a> or Kindle <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Journey-Better-Times-long-term-conditions-ebook/dp/B0CM82XJTS">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Journey-Better-Times-long-term-conditions-ebook/dp/B0CM82XJTS</a></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And so I introduced the book I had written over the course of the pandemic. I introduced the concept and the 10 elements one by one. I weaved this with stories that shaped me and my thinking. It was great to hear the feedback that they resonated with others. And that they gained from working through them, while some seemed more important to them than others. They recognised this is deep work for those willing to go there. If my health was different I would love to offer development work for one to one or groups but the time is not right just now. I’m curious whether that time could still come? </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At the end I read out my poem. The lump in my throat took some time to go.Thanks to all of you for coming, for buying and reading the book. Please spread the word and encourage others to buy it. If you want an event I’d love to plan that with you. This week has reminded my of the better times and whilst I know mine are limited, they are still possible. And I love to share them with people I care about. A huge thank you to all of you who have made it so special. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /><br /></span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-62914531644967719182024-01-08T04:48:00.000-08:002024-01-09T01:07:31.566-08:00Wishing you guid health and happiness from mine to yours. <p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7v8kwpwqpi_6Eb5CFPDh0n9P_R4w9Z7FqIA7Z7-ZyqdiKEkZ55ewovPnPMz3squS0o7tvSZ5oF0EsfCwAmLe5PN9CDqacjCCEDhMa6_bNlx_fKj61WRm80ducQO24P0lep-hgyWf2TM8BjdmReuwvp6m_I7Ps1LP1D0uM4oj2fDIQz_kiT_wbas2YNhs/s1200/IMG_0286.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="630" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7v8kwpwqpi_6Eb5CFPDh0n9P_R4w9Z7FqIA7Z7-ZyqdiKEkZ55ewovPnPMz3squS0o7tvSZ5oF0EsfCwAmLe5PN9CDqacjCCEDhMa6_bNlx_fKj61WRm80ducQO24P0lep-hgyWf2TM8BjdmReuwvp6m_I7Ps1LP1D0uM4oj2fDIQz_kiT_wbas2YNhs/s320/IMG_0286.jpeg" width="168" /></a></div><br /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;">It wasn’t Happy New Year I heard, it was “We need to admit you today for intravenous antibiotics”. The day was December 31 2023. The previous few days, since Christmas, for me, had been a series of tests, surprising new diagnoses like very low cortisol and then this. I had a bacteria in my blood that needed treated imminently with a broad spectrum IV antibiotic. The next few days identified the bug as rare and it took several days to find a suitable oral antibiotic ( and from there the journey home). I was isolated in a single ward due to RSV and the bleakness of the room itself led to me agitating each day to get home asap. It was Thursday evening when I got home. Christmas gifts abandoned, the decorations and cards adorning the house all reached out welcome arms and I sighed back into MY chair tearfully ready for home.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I know I’m able to get home but I’m very aware of the fragility of my health and situation now. Perhaps I’ve felt especially unwell without fully being aware of that in my quest for escape. Since my return home I find myself thinking of how it must feel to be trapped in hospital, unable to move on to a new home or to get home. The so-called bed blockers, depersonalised and powerless, who advocates for them? They are referred to with frustration as in the wrong place, using up NHS beds etc but rarely do we see it through their eyes. The loss of the familiar, loss of power, loss of a voice in the system, loss of their home, loss of living with family or pets….the list is endless and I find it almost overwhelming to explore. I suppose it’s too close to home. For the first time I felt less control over my situation and didn’t like it. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But I am home and even managed a short trip to the Botanics gardens, savouring the fresh air and companionship of friends. My head is shifting from an internal focus back to the external like focusing on raising awareness of my book. The shift feels good and I’m more in touch with people and perspectives beyond myself. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">One podcast by the Newsagents very usefully explored the situation in Ukraine as we start 2024 and it was a very powerful reminder of the ongoing situation now. We know this from our Ukrainian friends too and I was moved to write this poem. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 31px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; min-height: 39.2px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">For Ukraine</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Each year calls us</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">to honour its passing, a kiss</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">a hug with love </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">to whisper it’s gone.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">But for you ,yes the year</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">has gone.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">But not the cruelty of bombardment</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">of homes shaken every night.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Of nights hidden in bathrooms</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">cold with fear-and chilled hidden underground </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">and the ennui due to a life </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">on hold, blind to future hopes.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Here, we switch off the news.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Your lives in Ukraine diminished for now,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">by Gaza’s devastation.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Are you tired we ask?</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Our fickleness wants to project</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">a more palatable scene.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">But your reality is of pain, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">of loss, of terror night after night.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Scattered you face lives, stateless, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">And ambivalent futures.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">At home fear is a drone, a letter or the hand on the shoulder-</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">the call to fight.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">But that’s NOT all-</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">you see the love</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">of communities, of neighbours</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">of families where ever you have landed. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Because love is not rationed.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Hearts swell with empathy</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">and compassion and so</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">we stand with Ukraine</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Slava Ukrani! </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedItalicBody; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-470807292016224982023-12-24T04:48:00.000-08:002023-12-24T04:48:59.484-08:00A peaceful, heartful Christmas for you all. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNszfnCVkyiMYv8EYIgor6s7Jvm-P2uAsKD9F8hZeQLb3YtnVxcDC_nb9hr6Z0fnoxX8AY9p1_9cO_qZlCVN0N1RdPQreGmfHesvVRyMQPgFU9-nOxzSWwm4KE_-wUP1UpzO5hzbqYJNKQOyAxLDy_r0FTewtlO0DchekvZwchuKqp18Bzt8RcYvmZtlE/s2048/8526371b-f164-4846-86a1-4451ae5ee83f.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNszfnCVkyiMYv8EYIgor6s7Jvm-P2uAsKD9F8hZeQLb3YtnVxcDC_nb9hr6Z0fnoxX8AY9p1_9cO_qZlCVN0N1RdPQreGmfHesvVRyMQPgFU9-nOxzSWwm4KE_-wUP1UpzO5hzbqYJNKQOyAxLDy_r0FTewtlO0DchekvZwchuKqp18Bzt8RcYvmZtlE/s320/8526371b-f164-4846-86a1-4451ae5ee83f.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNGzPOi_NA7JChiR1dD1cegosI3JS9yK8ShCXVNovFPDzl0T09gKDhO_1Wy5yfr6I1ZJr2aY-crq0fCyoK1ELty8tILNlm9KeToDAO8E2QPCsEPoEjAxReF7tEoEsWlIdvbZR_fgPxt3yzoVVqtfSUxsn5noQlYW2Q7kuVaVSFFyTM3NIFWPJqiBnQijk/s4032/IMG_0938.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNGzPOi_NA7JChiR1dD1cegosI3JS9yK8ShCXVNovFPDzl0T09gKDhO_1Wy5yfr6I1ZJr2aY-crq0fCyoK1ELty8tILNlm9KeToDAO8E2QPCsEPoEjAxReF7tEoEsWlIdvbZR_fgPxt3yzoVVqtfSUxsn5noQlYW2Q7kuVaVSFFyTM3NIFWPJqiBnQijk/s320/IMG_0938.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc6edEsPzbWRXzHuB2Wg3BcP-tSL7AWwn52qIjgg1TvNqO-6bI_9iOvlqVUDfPP6ALTlxroN2R4b-G7e-2THZUVkbKX7Ixp2o3EqFDZ8w3Tyoi-VLA1oRNOajw2aWNqQCX_4PQt-R6jkUxUi0moRkr9KCCZkqJpxSewli9Cea0MmABGLiGoRq4p8SXMSc/s4032/IMG_6412.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc6edEsPzbWRXzHuB2Wg3BcP-tSL7AWwn52qIjgg1TvNqO-6bI_9iOvlqVUDfPP6ALTlxroN2R4b-G7e-2THZUVkbKX7Ixp2o3EqFDZ8w3Tyoi-VLA1oRNOajw2aWNqQCX_4PQt-R6jkUxUi0moRkr9KCCZkqJpxSewli9Cea0MmABGLiGoRq4p8SXMSc/s320/IMG_6412.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I imagine it’s not surprising that it’s hard to write in the run up to Christmas, especially with a recent diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. More than last year I’ve definitely felt the need to explore the “what if it’s my last Christmas”? It’s like using the tongue to probe the source of the toothache. Braced for pain but surprisingly numb. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But this week the numbness has worn down. I’ve become messily tearful. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Our dog Cara died this year and I’m remembering her loss in April. I miss her gentle soul. I’m not sure the cat does however as he never goes near her bed any more. Instead he plays ‘try to get to MY chair first’. Everyday he spent the morning in her bed and generally by the afternoon Cara had reclaimed it. Two days after she died Koshka no longer wanted the bed. I’ve tried to analyse it …..but I’ve no idea really.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m writing now on Christmas Eve, family gathering, cooking, baking, wrapping and reflecting. What if it is my last one? I no longer feel afraid of that…nor do I feel a need for it all to be perfect. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I just want it to be peaceful. Peaceful for all we care for and about. Peaceful for our Ukrainian family however unlikely that seems now. And peace so needed in Gaza and Israel. Our friend Gerry has worked voluntarily for 20 years or more helping oncology nurses in Gaza develop their practice. The last few weeks have been full of bad news about the nurses and their families. A world of loss and heartbreak that defies description. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That’s why on this Christmas Eve I give thanks for all the people I know and love and hope this year brings me more time with them. And for all of them life is fulfilling and full of good health and love. After all a more peaceful world starts with all of us. Have a heartfelt Christmas. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With love</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Audrey</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-16771592691436446872023-11-29T05:53:00.000-08:002023-11-29T05:53:23.992-08:00Ticking clocks and who cares.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpzCupYcJM4sRFwNzBB7FNymMf8rvrpWzY3Qi3E6HV4KbQ23i_DtYibiAJTgaq8QQvmZotn6qNlGRGSVZAOIzRtEEmWm2kS4jAGAoZBDJW1gpdmOM2o-tWE66-GOsi3AOzqSxxFSd3N66d4-VICsnYrsP39cjB-Ir2SvhiTpoFPu04IIoCtgaU4BHKtzE/s4032/IMG_0937.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpzCupYcJM4sRFwNzBB7FNymMf8rvrpWzY3Qi3E6HV4KbQ23i_DtYibiAJTgaq8QQvmZotn6qNlGRGSVZAOIzRtEEmWm2kS4jAGAoZBDJW1gpdmOM2o-tWE66-GOsi3AOzqSxxFSd3N66d4-VICsnYrsP39cjB-Ir2SvhiTpoFPu04IIoCtgaU4BHKtzE/s320/IMG_0937.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A early sight of the Botanic garden lights </div><br /><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Well it’s been a week or so of two half’s. We had a wonderful weekend with friends in Fife again.We enjoyed good food and even better company. The discussions ranged from climate change to life’s transitions like future weddings, fun toddlers and hospice support. All of life’s shades and colours helping really honest conversation. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The new date is already booked time to come together in early spring. Ever the optimists. When we arrived home we discussed how valuable the weekend had been for us both. It’s so valuable to be able to go to the sad and difficult places but also to have fun and laughter. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then the following evening brought a change to my condition. I noticed a pain in my right side and linked breathlessness. The following day they explored this further and eventually got my earlier scan result. The pain was explained by the cancer having spread in my liver and diaphragm, hence the pain. The new chemo was not working enough and so a new plan means going back on olaparib which worked well before and hopefully will again. I hope to start it soon and increase the monitoring and treatment of anaemia the main problem it caused me last time. All fingers are crossed and we all got the kind of shock that is very recognisable to <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>those of us who live with stage four cancers. My tendency to prefer a little denial is tested when a different reality is enforced! A reminder that we’re not talking years ( a year has already passed I realise) and right now that’s all we know.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">As many of you know ( and readers of my book) I worked </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">to set up the charity breakthrough breast cancer in Scotland as the first director. It is now one of those wisely merged to become breast cancer now, who contributed to the research that developed targeted treatments for women with BRCA gene and triple negative cancer. That was emerging when I was working with the charity around ten years ago. These drugs were the new hope and not just for breast cancer but notably ovarian cancer too. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And here I am,benefitting from the work we had all supported in our many roles. It feels so powerful to be honest and I remain grateful to everyone from the scientists, researchers, fundraisers and influencers all of who ensured it got beyond the lab to help us day to day to live our lives, make memories and enjoy another Christmas with families. When the seeming small things become the big things. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This weekend offers a time to come together with wider family too and to me it’s precious. But Andrew has developed an acutely painful back. It’s not serious but painful and we’re on the struggle bus until it settles. It’s a perfect illustration of the life of the carer who feels they can’t be ill and that they are letting their loved one down when the one they care for feels guilty for the trap their situation creates. I’ve become his advocate and thankfully I can still do that and now he has the right treatment and can draw on more resources. Too often carers just get empty words of sympathy, never helpful, and not much else. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So often the hugely important role of carers both formal and informal is neglected. My carers from the agency are all from overseas, the immigrants so reviled by the politicians. The terms and conditions are poor, meaning that the many <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>hours spent on a bus to go between clients is unpaid. This is both an urban and rural issue. The few paid hours really affects income but not the tiredness of constantly being with or between clients. Deregulation of the care system has led to this, so the new national care service needs to address this issue as well. It has to be a service with compassion at its heart for all and person-centred for clients and carers alike or it will never be <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>sustainable. If only our politicians would address the real issues instead of gaslighting the public with blame the immigrant. My immigrant carers are special and precious. They enrich our lives and I learn from them, they make my life possible. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I want to live in a culture that welcomes them, not blame them. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleItalicBody; font-style: italic;">And it’s coming up to Christmas so buy my book ?on line in Amazon.UK and through eBay and tell me about your thoughts. Thanks! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleItalicBody; font-style: italic;"><a href="https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=audrey+birt+ebay+Journey+to+Better+Times&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&safe=active">https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=audrey+birt+ebay+Journey+to+Better+Times&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&safe=active</a> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-70241714023097911322023-11-05T07:12:00.003-08:002023-11-06T01:30:05.898-08:00A meeting of worlds<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 19px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 19px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhyphenhyphenZOSDUMCoyoOg_RoWezAW9TESp7dFYSOeOUcuwYif2v4_KgtlHYV9X92BwWsKqvXxrHovRZTUNQAG0BRthk2LGbgn9xLUz5RArdg0Tv2zKGhdYysWproKXxBaLRKeEBy8LNsUUN1SNL1kO8RuSNeXWE7vUzKI79dU0E6YN8TpWReA4Mra8ww2TN4Tc4/s4032/IMG_0914.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhyphenhyphenZOSDUMCoyoOg_RoWezAW9TESp7dFYSOeOUcuwYif2v4_KgtlHYV9X92BwWsKqvXxrHovRZTUNQAG0BRthk2LGbgn9xLUz5RArdg0Tv2zKGhdYysWproKXxBaLRKeEBy8LNsUUN1SNL1kO8RuSNeXWE7vUzKI79dU0E6YN8TpWReA4Mra8ww2TN4Tc4/s320/IMG_0914.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><br /></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 19px;"><br />A meeting of worlds</span><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 24px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">The last few weeks for me have been quite exciting in some ways, testing of my energies and health and an opening of support and care. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">But the backdrop to this as we know has been a very turbulent time in the world. I’ve tried to engage with this, with friends deeply grieving for their friends and donating to support. Not just in Israel and Gaza but also Ukraine whose people face and uncertain time with winter approaching.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">I’m aware of them all and trying to do our best. I try to do what I can but also step back and use my energy wisely and not lose the balance of self care. One of these days I will get that right! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">The source of my excitement was taking delivery of my book, The Journey to Better Times. I’ve written it over the last few years with the ups and downs of energy and health challenges. During this time for example I’ve been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, the cancer now spread and moved into my liver. I’ve recently started a third chemotherapy, oral thankfully and so far its impact hasn’t been too devastating. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">So I’m gradually drawing attention to the book and encouraging people to buy it. I write as someone who has several longterm conditions and combining that with my professional experience. It’s gradually emerged following lots of discussion and many good people have helped me.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">I know it’s moved people to tears and to valuable reflection. Dr David Reilly has said “she adds wisdom gained from her nursing, her coaching, and her experience as a senior executive in health organisations. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>She is a woman of heart, wisdom and deep life experience, and this book allows you to gain from her guidance and from her inspirational life.” </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">And from a friend who worked at a senior level in mental health social work-</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">“ I think you’ve struck a really good balance between being heart rendingly honest about your own experiences and processes and your more professional and analytical side from your nursing, 3rd sector and leadership experiences. I think this will be a very important book for people with long term conditions, their supporters and loved ones but also for the whole range of health and social care workers who they come into contact with.“</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">I’m so grateful and encouraged by their reflections and compassion. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="s2">You can get the printed copy from eBay </span><a href="https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/394965421080">https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/394965421080</a></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You can find the ebook on Amazon kindle on the same name Journey to Better Times. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I would love to be able to gift these but I’m afraid the cost to publish them has been too high. Please tell your friends and colleagues about it and I’d love to hear from you and your reflections on the book. </span></p><div class="celwidget" data-cel-widget="centerAttributesColumns" data-csa-c-asin="" data-csa-c-content-id="centerAttributesColumns" data-csa-c-id="yo8da0-x1jx2o-mcopw0-z97yym" data-csa-c-is-in-initial-active-row="false" data-csa-c-slot-id="centerAttributesColumns" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-feature-name="centerAttributesColumns" id="centerAttributesColumns" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(15, 17, 17); color: #0f1111; display: flex; font-size: 14px;"><div id="centerAttributesRightColumn" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-left: auto; margin-top: auto;"><div class="celwidget" data-cel-widget="MorpheusSidesheetCard_feature_div" data-csa-c-asin="" data-csa-c-content-id="MorpheusSidesheetCard" data-csa-c-id="7tfpa2-lphc5k-tiqj4e-klusuo" data-csa-c-is-in-initial-active-row="false" data-csa-c-slot-id="MorpheusSidesheetCard_feature_div" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-feature-name="MorpheusSidesheetCard" id="MorpheusSidesheetCard_feature_div" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div cel_widget_id="morpheus-popularity-rank-sidesheet-card_DetailPage_0" class="celwidget c-f" data-cel-widget="morpheus-popularity-rank-sidesheet-card_DetailPage_0" data-csa-c-content-id="DsUnknown" data-csa-c-id="wzh511-3e5qff-ooz6ir-66f8h6" data-csa-c-painter="morpheus-popularity-rank-sidesheet-card-cards" data-csa-c-slot-id="DsUnknown-1" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-op-log-render="" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div data-acp-stamp="1699200433389" data-acp-tracking="{}" data-card-metrics-id="morpheus-popularity-rank-sidesheet-card_DetailPage_0" data-mix-claimed="true" id="CardInstanceZIxHtO1OSScZnHx0g3zqVw" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="morpheusRoot" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div class="_morpheus-popularity-rank-sidesheet-card_ingress_sidesheet__R6-h1" id="morpheus-sidesheet" style="background-color: #f9fafb; border-width: 0px; bottom: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.25) -4px 0px 5px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: currentcolor; overflow: auto; position: fixed; right: -600px; top: 0px; width: 580px; z-index: 290;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: #f9fbfb; font-size: 19px; text-align: initial;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> Please buy it and share on social media and your friends if you can. I’d love to have made it free but I’m afraid I need to recoup some of the costs to get it to hear. But. What is even more valuable if you give me your honest feedback too.</span></span><div class="sidesheetMainBody" id="morpheus-sidesheet-main-body" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">The other development recently as I’ve been referred to the hospice, as someone who now has a life limiting illness. I’m not at end stage and may not be for sometime but it’s a new stage and it’s been so valuable to have their support. I feel I’ve been scooped up by a group of skilled and caring people and I’m so relieved to know they are there. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">This week they had a pop up Christmas shop….I know it’s a bit early but it was a way to support the range of work they do. I bought a cookery book, a strange choice for someone whom lives with nausea and indigestion! But I must have known it would take me right back to childhood. Each Tuesday evening we went my Auntie Jessie for tea and my favourite meal was corned beef stovies. My thanks go to Val McDermott a fellow Fifer who shared this recipe. I’ve already put in my request and Andrew has promised to give it a go. Happy days. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 19px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: verdana;">Keep in touch! </span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-67225554915482213462023-09-29T01:22:00.002-07:002023-09-29T01:28:02.364-07:00Is it Autumn now?<p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It’s been a time of tense appointments, antibiotics and wandering cats. It’s supposed to be autumn but the trees are holding onto their green leaves and enticing us with thoughts of sunny days. But the nights are changing and our solar lights</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">spring in to life earlier and earlier. The bees ( thats the lights)cheer up our patio aimed at warming the winter nights,</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">a contrast to the darkening skies.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A series of urine infections have me wearing out the carpet trotting back and forth to the toilet, cursing the side effects and the relentlessness of it. Honestly I haven’t been feeling great, weary and going from one health issue to the next. As we approached the oncology appointment and to get the result of my latest scan I was nervous and saw the same in Andrew’s expression. So we had the usual rage at the car parking and rushed to get there on time and then waited for 90 minutes to be seen. The music ( smooth radio) was playing a bit too loudly, with every cheesy song known to man. Eventually Andrew embraced it and was singing along quietly and making me laugh. It’s laughter that sustains us always. But in time the oncologist confirmed that all my symptoms were not due to infection but due to the liver disease advancing again. Although I knew I felt tears close to spilling down my cheeks. Our hearts sank but we knew it was coming. Back on another oral chemo, back in a three week cycle of a kind of cancer umbilical chord trapping you to the cancer ward. It’s world that is both familiar and frightening. Our summer was definitely over.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I visited our modern art gallery recently and parked under the neon sign that said “everything is going to be alright” and decided that it’s an omen and Andrew captured the image. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipWZpnQrH_n9lhDbmFCY9amYn8X7690ork5a7agkyZ1WYpovnhTLpXmgZbciESXNs9ij8M0qi_zuYUpdJrQcJtukiU1TiCbuf2kLgvbunxwzA_5IgyhxTXIPq7JcNnW0FJF2imZhkjDq-RGv4lvU0VOghyphenhyphenLoylT4-rv_2RI3zac0w14Frk2fVKus5NHHE/s4032/IMG_0872.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipWZpnQrH_n9lhDbmFCY9amYn8X7690ork5a7agkyZ1WYpovnhTLpXmgZbciESXNs9ij8M0qi_zuYUpdJrQcJtukiU1TiCbuf2kLgvbunxwzA_5IgyhxTXIPq7JcNnW0FJF2imZhkjDq-RGv4lvU0VOghyphenhyphenLoylT4-rv_2RI3zac0w14Frk2fVKus5NHHE/s320/IMG_0872.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Recently Koshka the cat has been behaving strangely. Autumn generally means him snoring the afternoon away but recently he’s been out much more. So it’s been hard to know where he is. A few nights ago <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I headed to bed saying is the cat in? Andrew’s reply was hesitant so I called for him all around the outside and in the hall. Nothing. Andrew did that some more looking under beds as well as in the gardens. Nothing. We both slept for a while then I heard a noise so went out to look again. The rain was pouring down. Still. Nothing. Andrew went outside aware of the risk of being caught wandering at night in his PJs!! My mind was racing and then- yes you guessed the cat skipped down the stairs looking for dinner -“he’s here!” I said cautiously, uncertain of the reply of the nighttime wanderer. I won’t repeat what was said. But then we slept soundly till morning. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We were retelling the tale to our son, able to laugh now. Andrew said I think maybe the cat has dementia. He said are you sure it’s that, he’s just come out of the drinks cupboard…What a week it’s been and </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m on yet another antibiotic and waiting for the appointment to start chemo. Life feels tough. But I’m at the final stage before printing my book! It’s my light in the gloom and helping me look forward. Here’s how it’s going to look, by way of a teaser. More on this soon.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiddLBs7C1V6gYN3f9Ac-zD6QToPdJCZbsXdFem4kocpilKhdIqVGZ8NUSdpWXHkJkkP1TwiF94HlXEtSQ6xEnMsQQ15mbWeSLvIZAuF2m733bIV-SD2NLQrmKMfnIOntrvzQpmG5rokxu63agh8IZfxZFi6uccKAvPuNPR4BzVxXPmO8pUOPqhZZ__D9Q/s820/IMG_0279.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="820" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiddLBs7C1V6gYN3f9Ac-zD6QToPdJCZbsXdFem4kocpilKhdIqVGZ8NUSdpWXHkJkkP1TwiF94HlXEtSQ6xEnMsQQ15mbWeSLvIZAuF2m733bIV-SD2NLQrmKMfnIOntrvzQpmG5rokxu63agh8IZfxZFi6uccKAvPuNPR4BzVxXPmO8pUOPqhZZ__D9Q/s320/IMG_0279.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-39654778883237659062023-09-12T08:49:00.001-07:002023-09-12T08:49:31.836-07:00Using your bounces wisely! <p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 28px; font-weight: bold;">Autumn awaits</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH2OewcH344c4S5MzEv-0i5N1w9Pf3n0TWG0EOW6rXLjlHYvjxEVhp2a3eW-b7D8s3SrawJUr7l-9eXjGjm8VNqto98zQiSPwpamJyOIgoEm13I3Mzq5CWY96hDutGgtwVtWfkQ7P1ji_f8dPeW6uNRydCf2A1SLZL_HblyIQAVz-LkkqBnUbFvLQh94s/s4032/IMG_6147.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH2OewcH344c4S5MzEv-0i5N1w9Pf3n0TWG0EOW6rXLjlHYvjxEVhp2a3eW-b7D8s3SrawJUr7l-9eXjGjm8VNqto98zQiSPwpamJyOIgoEm13I3Mzq5CWY96hDutGgtwVtWfkQ7P1ji_f8dPeW6uNRydCf2A1SLZL_HblyIQAVz-LkkqBnUbFvLQh94s/s320/IMG_6147.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I found I hadn’t the drive to write this blog last month. We’ve had precious time with family and fitted in some well paced fringe shows as well as the final concert of the Edinburgh International Festival which was an inspiring conclusion to August in Edinburgh. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve crashed and burned too at times. The worst being a flare up of rheumatoid arthritis. Grim. Additional treatment, pacing and a referral back the rheumatology has helped. But it’s left me rather shaken. And now I have another urine infection. I’m accepting that with so many conditions, this is my life. But I’m here and doing my best to get the balance between emotional and physical well-being. I do need connection with the outside world but that needs to be well managed. And given all that I managed a trip to North Berwick, ate prawns at the lobster shack and tried out my first beach wheelchair! I loved it and wished we still had Cara to run alongside and be reminded that life is good. ( Phia-next visit this is a definite!!)</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This weekend we celebrated our grandson’s birthday. Hats off to his Mum and Dad who coped with the mayhem of five year olds, bouncy castles and face painting. And supported the building of more Lego in one day than I thought possible. Throw in dinosaurs and baby Yoda and you can picture the scene. The day after the party delivered the best line of the weekend. When I asked my grandson if he had any bouncing left for the trampoline in the park after the bouncy castle the day before, he replied, “I never run out of bounces, Grannie”. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Any one who has ever learned about pacing probably knows about using up your spoons but for me that’s now my bounces! How many bounces do you have? My bounces have left the building to be honest but the question will always make me smile. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGiPXgJqEQf0D40L9tlYUSxLsPwt7dU_4npz5-xNn_qlHCHk8eXgIqK4wwWAcaUcGsuM3G38YCTQuEuyed5yotyjBCiBnK2aliKA9W9kJyBGQISgbZvGbvYenF0ogRhzZly498bn_1AIdMEBUao2REcL8wkVqZdE4ql_msaoP_nsSxL-g7eTyYHqp7Y7g/s4032/IMG_6205.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGiPXgJqEQf0D40L9tlYUSxLsPwt7dU_4npz5-xNn_qlHCHk8eXgIqK4wwWAcaUcGsuM3G38YCTQuEuyed5yotyjBCiBnK2aliKA9W9kJyBGQISgbZvGbvYenF0ogRhzZly498bn_1AIdMEBUao2REcL8wkVqZdE4ql_msaoP_nsSxL-g7eTyYHqp7Y7g/s320/IMG_6205.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">My book is close to printing now and that’s incredibly exciting and has evoked a serious case of imposter syndrome. And the more I look at it the less typos I can see. But I am really pleased with how it looks. The next stage feels a big one but I can’t stop now. Any wise words welcome!! </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hopefully October will bring a launch date. </span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-41944928484216381452023-07-20T11:01:00.000-07:002023-07-20T11:01:01.036-07:00Lazy and hazy Scottish summer. <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ISS-rPn04u_d2u-0IY9h3xIUXVOPs4Sl8j1oWsyDeO8juSCrdF3J-fTkD7jU--vmAGQ3EnXJCk3CX91HeI02qppkNOP7ylW0BVeykRGiuukIvHBTkhvBwmb3zV2-qUSSbQC5pfzDXoNnAq9FKC5V7JDxQSdbPssHo5rL7SOl6ysx-sy_UggnaDsTCUE/s2048/6d3e4d1c-8c63-4c02-878f-18d4b642779d.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ISS-rPn04u_d2u-0IY9h3xIUXVOPs4Sl8j1oWsyDeO8juSCrdF3J-fTkD7jU--vmAGQ3EnXJCk3CX91HeI02qppkNOP7ylW0BVeykRGiuukIvHBTkhvBwmb3zV2-qUSSbQC5pfzDXoNnAq9FKC5V7JDxQSdbPssHo5rL7SOl6ysx-sy_UggnaDsTCUE/s320/6d3e4d1c-8c63-4c02-878f-18d4b642779d.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It’s a sure sign I’ve been feeling more energised that I’ve finally managed to do the edits on my book. What book? I probably mentioned it about four years ago and various illnesses, treatments, pandemics got in the way. But now it’s nearly there and I’m now at the final stages with it. It’s not unlike my blog in that it’s about my lived experience of living with cancer and long term-conditions as well as using my professional knowledge of how to live well with all that life throws at you. It’s not about external things, it’s more about knowing yourself more. In even its rawer stages I’ve had feedback that those who’ve had a preview found it was very valuable for them and frankly that’s my motivation. So watch this space! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But this week I’m on the third lot of antibiotics for a bladder infection and to say I’m weary is a huge understatement. And I’ve remembered how that feels. It’s scared me a little, I thought I was on it but clearly not. Pace yourself is my mantra this week but I did get to see my daughters choir in action. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The Phoenix choir has three choirs in Edinburgh, one of which was the carers choir. There was something so deeply moving and uplifting seeing some of these older women and men bringing that voice deep from their soul and going for it. The joy that singing and music brings was in that room for the singers of all ages. And it was a special treat seeing our daughter head back and feeling the joy. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">These are the moments I store away.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Our wee -well pretty big-cat has had a tough week- he had eight teeth out. Now there’s trauma but he’s dealing with it in style. They have given us a leaflet on how to brush his teeth. He’s 14 this month…..I won’t be brushing his teeth anytime soon. I value my skin! The visit to the vet was also where Cara our dog was put to sleep. That was so tough and made her loss feel like yesterday. We were so glad Koshka only had some toothache. As I write he’s asleep in my wheelchair. Attention seeking or what?! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And my final word is I feel such concern for the awful heatwaves around the world. But it’s very different here in Scotland where my plea is can the sun come back, a watery 22 centigrade would do. Our rivers are full again so please can we have a bit of warmth-it is July after all. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwPMA7R4fiY-odhVu8DrcX6s9aREbQxy2mYyslyeiwZmtCfAladBGYX75kxdclnXS96CMGyEg4i8y76ByA9bLondOTrOaVV4qpeyWraeum9DGzSW6xsVd5rsWLt0YiYJ9JL8XpJy1d6p5-TKrKiBC0isgO3Ll5NcwED2GxG_SJojUwVDt86zI-Cxg_sGw/s2765/IMG_5951.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2765" data-original-width="2664" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwPMA7R4fiY-odhVu8DrcX6s9aREbQxy2mYyslyeiwZmtCfAladBGYX75kxdclnXS96CMGyEg4i8y76ByA9bLondOTrOaVV4qpeyWraeum9DGzSW6xsVd5rsWLt0YiYJ9JL8XpJy1d6p5-TKrKiBC0isgO3Ll5NcwED2GxG_SJojUwVDt86zI-Cxg_sGw/s320/IMG_5951.jpeg" width="308" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-73397909861567835912023-06-18T09:08:00.003-07:002023-06-18T09:15:28.032-07:00Happy days of summer-wishing you some too. <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKGwBTxLohbiqhoQqd-nzdG7cIhBSEAIhHLxOPUxTl2LxmSpgoZaH3u3DSmp58e4PtXcl79KoNYDkgUjwXt6iCfHGixwb1j4dmFq2l5WDt1wUzZRJhoYlxlwmJbPW8MJ4c5AliMZPIKnvd1SZajuH671ci0LLUE41oB5USAorG4p8xw4fHzORe_uIQ/s1600/7a4a5264-1561-42fb-a118-893594d8131a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="775" data-original-width="1600" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKGwBTxLohbiqhoQqd-nzdG7cIhBSEAIhHLxOPUxTl2LxmSpgoZaH3u3DSmp58e4PtXcl79KoNYDkgUjwXt6iCfHGixwb1j4dmFq2l5WDt1wUzZRJhoYlxlwmJbPW8MJ4c5AliMZPIKnvd1SZajuH671ci0LLUE41oB5USAorG4p8xw4fHzORe_uIQ/s320/7a4a5264-1561-42fb-a118-893594d8131a.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div> Ben Nevis and the glory of the mountains surrounding. <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It’s that time again for scans and results that will provide the shape of my summer. The CT scan is quick and painless and a much easier experience than the MRI. My experience of MRIs have been mixed but are always accompanied by the cacophony of noises and the pain for me of lying still for sometimes around an hour. It’s a grim form of torture dressed up as being an important investigation so any thing less than that is a relief. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But the real trauma is waiting for the result. Knowing that these results define the next stage of the year or in this instance, the summer. So it was with some anxiety I sat in the waiting room. Generally Andrew and I have the ‘what are you expecting’ discussion. Trying our best to be honest with ourselves and each other. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This week I really didn’t know how it would go. And the news was good. The liver cancer is stabilised and my haemoglobin which had been as low as 75 at one point is now up to 130! <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am winning at the numbers now! And so I’ve time off active treatment this next two months. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I nearly shot out the door straight away as if the Professor might change his mind if I hung around. But I stayed and got good advice to come back earlier if I feel less well. So hopefully a warm summer awaits with some fun concerts and trips in Scotland too and for now I’m free of medication that makes me queasy.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Any one who has had these cancer drugs know their impact tends to linger. Like a bad friend who just won’t take the hint to leave you alone.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Now I’m a Celt, I get freckles and burn if I’m too long in the sun I burn. I’ve learned how to build up a healthy glow without getting burnt. But not now. My skin last week felt like I had been burned. A chemo legacy. So sun screen and the endless search for the sun hat that doesn’t make me feel like I’m Worzil Gummich’s strange Aunty!</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We’ve now had an exceptional few days in the southern Highlands with friends and family. It truly reminded us how good life can be. Our daughter and granddaughter both achieved climbing Ben Nevis this summer too. I’m in awe of this achievement. And see the remarkable capture of the Ben on a rare day without cloud. Roll on a happy summer days for you all and especially a shout out for those like me who are able to enjoy it without the slog of cancer treatment.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">See below we visited Loch Tay just the place for a wild swim I hear! #visitscotland </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMYM98J7VDHE8Ft1XGzMiyNS9PqL0kp7UOG960hMKnWIv8v163OhRrDqon5YWUm57NWsIntkgSwuQ8leS-JRKLiA7huOiMQyYxthrZKI896YwJCn4VETdXuwdXR3Mk2d6nEnZZ0UgrIwZ10uaZ_wrWwrqGINXV21L8PKGL69s0tWUJcuYko8Vxmvf/s4032/IMG_5796.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMYM98J7VDHE8Ft1XGzMiyNS9PqL0kp7UOG960hMKnWIv8v163OhRrDqon5YWUm57NWsIntkgSwuQ8leS-JRKLiA7huOiMQyYxthrZKI896YwJCn4VETdXuwdXR3Mk2d6nEnZZ0UgrIwZ10uaZ_wrWwrqGINXV21L8PKGL69s0tWUJcuYko8Vxmvf/s320/IMG_5796.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-76292964218517673942023-05-26T10:06:00.003-07:002023-05-26T10:06:30.483-07:00Who’s boss….not me! <p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPx4iPVpMC4Puit6iBME4D0GCzvlYCMFNjlRmlHoTFRxoTOiNgTPQrXdZnU1pPXgHWU6rhxfS1ed-2crOjQ9vmFs934E0yqU73OTBivPZ4FeTFHnyEnngnE5aNFsr-4SLKybevbJudnsZBoF40xwLTOa3VSbnEZiczUNXGvYo6QWXkOcaE08rzNoFG/s4032/D060C13B-E789-463A-AF99-6A0462807337.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPx4iPVpMC4Puit6iBME4D0GCzvlYCMFNjlRmlHoTFRxoTOiNgTPQrXdZnU1pPXgHWU6rhxfS1ed-2crOjQ9vmFs934E0yqU73OTBivPZ4FeTFHnyEnngnE5aNFsr-4SLKybevbJudnsZBoF40xwLTOa3VSbnEZiczUNXGvYo6QWXkOcaE08rzNoFG/s320/D060C13B-E789-463A-AF99-6A0462807337.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I told myself off today for wearing black so I put on a white T-shirt instead. A mistake! I’ve a head cold and I’m a wee bit wabbit as my grandson would say. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I looked in the mirror, ‘Oh my god I’m an old woman’. Yes this year has taken its toll but the recent virus has not helped me have a healthy glow. So I’ve popped on some makeup including blusher and lipstick. I’ve no visitors today but I wanted to banish that old lady in the mirror. I daren’t look.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In truth I’m off the oral chemo just now as it’s been good at reducing the tumour ( </span><span class="s2">😊</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">) but also good at suppressing my bone marrow and making me really anaemic (</span><span class="s2">😟</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">). And I’m due a scan in a few weeks to see how things are. Meantime I’ve been making the most of having more energy. I’ve even managed some out out for dinner and to see Six the musical </span><span class="s2">🎶</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">,it’s fantastic, do see it if you can. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><a href="https://youtu.be/iJW71rMVQyE">https://youtu.be/iJW71rMVQyE</a></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The dog/cat bed remained in pole position until this week. Although Koshka used it the first week or so after our lovely girl died he shunned it. Prior to her death he was in it every day at some point. He is an enigma as many cats are. But there is no doubt who’s boss…..it’s definitely not me. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Small things can become big things in my situation I find and my latest trauma I’m embarrassed to admit about. My favourite chair ( it’s a rocking chair that you can make into a lie back as far as is comfortable) was away being reupholstered. I opted to have it fabric rather than leather. In the meantime I have been Goldilocks trying every chair and finding it lacking. The sofa also has recliners so I thought I would be fine but the truth is it eats me. As I lie back it fights back and holds me trapped in pain. And then I’m stuck and need help to get up. It’s not elegant and that old woman threatens to take my confidence. I finally emailed the reupholsterer and described my plight. So THE chair has returned in a resplendent Heather colour, I may never get out of it! However Koshka loves a warm chair and shuns the leather one. I fear I may find myself in an ongoing ownership battle. I know, I know I’m bigger than him but he does a very very good psychological campaign as well AND he is being rather spoiled since Cara died. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Here’s hoping he feels some sympathy for me and at least is willing to share? </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Wish me luck </span><span class="s2">😉</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBef1AZhyXgREP-qO_TZ4jwWHHEnxjXkz2MNV1ueitr8QsZnRAG98UjO4ZDPlV-W3RZvoz3BWbfki0AAgl5Nqy3XKYrlNuIfs5zdkClekwJPHYhJonJYm8sxslfBtKwYwq-hYnjU4i3b-ipRJ56HphT7qN-vi-sWlHvoQ2skGEZhAkqmWWGWj0jQ7Y/s4032/E089A038-8545-4707-AEAB-36B675010623.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBef1AZhyXgREP-qO_TZ4jwWHHEnxjXkz2MNV1ueitr8QsZnRAG98UjO4ZDPlV-W3RZvoz3BWbfki0AAgl5Nqy3XKYrlNuIfs5zdkClekwJPHYhJonJYm8sxslfBtKwYwq-hYnjU4i3b-ipRJ56HphT7qN-vi-sWlHvoQ2skGEZhAkqmWWGWj0jQ7Y/s320/E089A038-8545-4707-AEAB-36B675010623.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br />Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-6051212680593194162023-04-30T06:11:00.002-07:002023-04-30T06:11:16.437-07:00The Quiet House<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 28px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 28px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnJ5p-o-OTCwD_SwullHr-nD5vRm6ZIooYliSd09QpxXaTBPpeho8tL8bn077wfDRICvq8dhzhu59sX0Kwrd8SaRYObgr2V8tBU2We0327iz4ljAx3lwUacKaqMFFBpSVXcLedSUcirsMnz6MxaOJlD0W00RLTlA0Rxgq3ms79r9PrShzIl2tzmfe2/s4032/3CEFC97E-35D4-4DED-A8BF-B69884B72DC9.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnJ5p-o-OTCwD_SwullHr-nD5vRm6ZIooYliSd09QpxXaTBPpeho8tL8bn077wfDRICvq8dhzhu59sX0Kwrd8SaRYObgr2V8tBU2We0327iz4ljAx3lwUacKaqMFFBpSVXcLedSUcirsMnz6MxaOJlD0W00RLTlA0Rxgq3ms79r9PrShzIl2tzmfe2/s320/3CEFC97E-35D4-4DED-A8BF-B69884B72DC9.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70KLoS8duS72ANdYNTnztduH7SuvN8rjHJcapV7pjAp1EqWv2bu1v7DrsYY13-tVzYOlPFuOvoC5nK4zEuiBUCHUhb3YxPQl0BxJCtK7DQ0m_y38CLQ7BLsRlvCXNGG3VVxgS5xx4Xm7NhyZoMUNOuxLD39JVUw19hEEyLScn9LG0sZCHDVpGZNVr/s3264/9FD99913-EC14-4783-8921-29DF10E125D4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70KLoS8duS72ANdYNTnztduH7SuvN8rjHJcapV7pjAp1EqWv2bu1v7DrsYY13-tVzYOlPFuOvoC5nK4zEuiBUCHUhb3YxPQl0BxJCtK7DQ0m_y38CLQ7BLsRlvCXNGG3VVxgS5xx4Xm7NhyZoMUNOuxLD39JVUw19hEEyLScn9LG0sZCHDVpGZNVr/s320/9FD99913-EC14-4783-8921-29DF10E125D4.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 28px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-weight: bold;">Our house is so quiet.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So quiet that the cat’s footsteps </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">whispering through the house</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">speak of his soft presence.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At last the dogs bed is his</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">without the dance of enforced sharing.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">there are beds in almost every room </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">even two in the cosy sitting room.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But top choice was the comfy dog bed.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Now visitors see the dogs bed </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">in pride of place,</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">it’s presence dominant.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Quickly I try to reassure that</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">we aren’t in denial</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">or pretending the cat is Cara,</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">slipping the collar around him</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and trotting of to the park.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">No we’re just unwilling to move the bed</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">that he so obviously loves it.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And his soft delicate snores</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">break the silence.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We gain such comfort</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">as he quietly takes over.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We thought that food was safe from</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">the long legged thief</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">whose stealth has gained her </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">everything from fillet steak </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">to roast salmon and expensive mature cheddar.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Unimpaired by remorse.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But the day after she died</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">a sausage was stolen</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">her spirit tempted by an </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">unclaimed sausage perhaps?</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But the the cat appeared </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">licking his lips</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">heading for THE bed</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and an unrepentant snooze.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Soothing the sadness </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">with his beautiful presence. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-6016177675293914362023-04-06T10:10:00.001-07:002023-04-06T10:10:13.754-07:00Cara means friend. <p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 28px; font-weight: bold;">Cara</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ0kBBPG7xgZrsFc7u_bBB91QY5eVb1_FuguTFfMaKxFLj8a327DkAKzLOoxTw7ZK9jAE_k_fF2jkN-l6EH_p6f16PXXxrS_PYzvM2LUtfUTyZYXQW-GWflg3-BMcj7VpkwFXwj304Q8D_RJ2opCuiKOz9LBAajo3msZf9UalzN9rIhx7gya3GzGbM/s1600/CA3CAF60-614C-45D9-8CFB-29890AF45783.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ0kBBPG7xgZrsFc7u_bBB91QY5eVb1_FuguTFfMaKxFLj8a327DkAKzLOoxTw7ZK9jAE_k_fF2jkN-l6EH_p6f16PXXxrS_PYzvM2LUtfUTyZYXQW-GWflg3-BMcj7VpkwFXwj304Q8D_RJ2opCuiKOz9LBAajo3msZf9UalzN9rIhx7gya3GzGbM/s320/CA3CAF60-614C-45D9-8CFB-29890AF45783.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-iHdaYTqC1tbBbHu5Xk4Tx-EAC4cv5Aa6h-H-oeyCeSYJyDzwHP2TBylCnvD8-68t4xQsHngqKKPAQGDTF7GBvUAanxc4wtKJEi7w6kbPBnIlO45lUdyJQsmS6Thh-1naoo6wlCEdvqszOUeWjaPbnc2LaTNKD0BaZkjeR564GJQusNH1m11eLmkg/s4032/577A8506-EBB4-476F-93CF-F287715CC564.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-iHdaYTqC1tbBbHu5Xk4Tx-EAC4cv5Aa6h-H-oeyCeSYJyDzwHP2TBylCnvD8-68t4xQsHngqKKPAQGDTF7GBvUAanxc4wtKJEi7w6kbPBnIlO45lUdyJQsmS6Thh-1naoo6wlCEdvqszOUeWjaPbnc2LaTNKD0BaZkjeR564GJQusNH1m11eLmkg/s320/577A8506-EBB4-476F-93CF-F287715CC564.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRCIHQStjdNIuPrLOZvQ5qSdq85_hZwp3hIcP0TPEOAiYZnTVw-DIS-3WT7OW32W6ri_lH3HG0pOuakVEbyDCTrVC1JVuhRlDBvXgQX9cdDUFSjY95UFS8Z0nKiZVi_XNK0mosG-dWvESdVTjN945TCmaaVnCRxucJJqxPWpisXMcu6iP5jPTLk1Pp/s4032/86EF7137-D2A4-44D4-A5C8-DEEB9DD120BB.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3021" data-original-width="3023" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW580puAgNymgwjBZJe3QZvftOoevpeekKZ9aAhCiQNPRDn1wkus03UNxBW0x4h_rrZaQZkXOnKJsL0AWeqxFyYfshgwoXk-EO8daV__hRNfcvzuVc5dhmaFzJTJhco4CSGdxfibdPsfqmvhKvvRbsLqO64YboiS9u2W5-lMS9E-q1L9YuIflzczxh/s320/5850AFEF-FEBB-4429-A921-A30D791745DB.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Gc8PJY_nVi35btUcTp9qaBxUiHvziIEYO31De6RT7MYRrOmlM6z3pq0w9Icga9ldi8T-8KwFMGKvMYJS5l70j2fWVcfrJ0Ch1ITETzCmWFN5LBCgzq1q8efWCphAvps41iPDN9QknlkqIn6pLFQfny3tquxhe_aVIzlXP-bIsUcsT0l7VU_mKieM/s1334/3ED4CF30-4B56-463A-B7D6-56791EB01D17.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Gc8PJY_nVi35btUcTp9qaBxUiHvziIEYO31De6RT7MYRrOmlM6z3pq0w9Icga9ldi8T-8KwFMGKvMYJS5l70j2fWVcfrJ0Ch1ITETzCmWFN5LBCgzq1q8efWCphAvps41iPDN9QknlkqIn6pLFQfny3tquxhe_aVIzlXP-bIsUcsT0l7VU_mKieM/s320/3ED4CF30-4B56-463A-B7D6-56791EB01D17.jpeg" width="180" /></a></div><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Cara means friend </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and you were the best friend</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">to us.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Your adoptive family whose lives you changed.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Your runs were the like the wind.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You swam like an otter.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That nose could empty pockets </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and deliver kisses to all who wanted one</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and some to those who didn’t.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You loved us, you loved the children,you loved the oldies</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">you even loved the cat. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You were the gift who</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">found us friends and took us to special places.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Thank you for everything.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We miss you. Who now will share my cheese?</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Sleep well our princess.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Our gentle girl with the beautiful soul. </span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-57318355226200027952023-03-26T10:40:00.002-07:002023-03-26T10:40:52.115-07:00Captured by grief. <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYfGnYuLUAUxQAN3nZyTvMTwKMAkLa77yu4luSf_TUqXG5vdLdXbjavBPUAvNeLfVSAQ84U3HpkcpO_4KBU4o4eLTYO1saYjsmfL8XekAH5nB9iqE0H-ICN_gJhEU5OlQYbgHwQHwP9BrzHdtqR3VEUlUPTLdyGcrb-HlPtzh4qwMJIns9fVzestf/s4032/73B0DB3B-7268-4EE9-B807-1F6F6A49419E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYfGnYuLUAUxQAN3nZyTvMTwKMAkLa77yu4luSf_TUqXG5vdLdXbjavBPUAvNeLfVSAQ84U3HpkcpO_4KBU4o4eLTYO1saYjsmfL8XekAH5nB9iqE0H-ICN_gJhEU5OlQYbgHwQHwP9BrzHdtqR3VEUlUPTLdyGcrb-HlPtzh4qwMJIns9fVzestf/s320/73B0DB3B-7268-4EE9-B807-1F6F6A49419E.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3iYs9qNheTusDiEydMltxGZkIB6dafTGPwT5Cr3KcRLlI-UhlMNEMtAQVtJoAzUtDuIr6fjpYrluYh1vNbgg5SLiReRnYVYdIse3-Kh9xQjgOZ7WtQ2AcIde75U0sydLmpv4-SPJJapyo1Lx9gawL0xnRnYwx0GXMRxtNgzIy1y6-4psSAbdSLOu/s4032/C86209FF-8B76-42EF-81A9-913111486D1B.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3iYs9qNheTusDiEydMltxGZkIB6dafTGPwT5Cr3KcRLlI-UhlMNEMtAQVtJoAzUtDuIr6fjpYrluYh1vNbgg5SLiReRnYVYdIse3-Kh9xQjgOZ7WtQ2AcIde75U0sydLmpv4-SPJJapyo1Lx9gawL0xnRnYwx0GXMRxtNgzIy1y6-4psSAbdSLOu/s320/C86209FF-8B76-42EF-81A9-913111486D1B.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">As you may know, I am managing my well-being in the face of <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>metastatic breast cancer in my liver as well as pain from spinal growth, spinal damage and rheumatoid arthritis! I’m exhausted just writing that to be honest. But it’s our dog Cara whose decline is troubling us most. She has only three legs due to a growth a few years ago and more recently she has a soft tissue sarcoma. Initial treatment did not prevent it coming back. So now she has a large growth on her back and the size is worrying us daily. We see the vet regularly and she said that if it comes through the skin, the time has come to let her go. I’m never far from tears when I look at her. She’s been a good loyal ( cheese stealing) loving friend who has been part of our lives for 11 years. She now has a body suit to stop her fussing at the growth. It’s working but it reminds me of the navy knickers I wore to gym at school. She rocks it, nonetheless. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So this week a good friend was saying goodbye before she goes away for a few months. I said to her say goodbye to Cara. She did and grief caught my breath as I looked on. And honestly not just for her but also the realisation that one of those occasions it would be to say goodbye to me. The thought did not stay long but it was a throat clenching moment that cut though to the truth of the layers of my grief. I know it’s not yet and hopefully not for sometime but I need to own my own sadness and so I felt compelled to write about this truth as well. Anticipatory grief is very present for us and it’s hard for me to name it for fear of causing pain. But I’m also aware my honesty might help others name their pain.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But life for us isn’t all sadness, I’ve been booking short holidays with the family too, making memories and having fun as well as being in beautiful Scotland but not too far away so minimum travel stress etc. In recent years we’ve found summer hard as friends were busy and we were not, so we’ve plans to look forward to and give us time with family too. I’ve a scan due in a few weeks which might affect future treatment but this time the holidays are being prioritised! Cancer treatment can dominate life I know but I’m reclaiming time as much as possible for now. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Daffodils arrive slowly in this part of the world and they’ve had a long season. Their beautiful yellow blooms are guaranteed to life the spirits. The temperature is not yet spring like but the flowers are determined to bloom. That’s a good motto for life I think. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdojG1zMIKcu4oTsk9gEXQLvb4YRxaHpnjKN0-l-uhyUB6E_T-pZwVsZFEOFE_miL9V_KZCBu4E_rApXJrwOoOa7xdfOq_g5N24YRGokRxboQU47UAwKknzVPa2p-1zAgqKMmXzjSxLfAuKorqn739wTUHWf6zczbeWZqNlKE-XmsE9sX_moZATrkz/s4032/76443DC9-A52E-45B0-AA67-CD63E3EDDD12.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdojG1zMIKcu4oTsk9gEXQLvb4YRxaHpnjKN0-l-uhyUB6E_T-pZwVsZFEOFE_miL9V_KZCBu4E_rApXJrwOoOa7xdfOq_g5N24YRGokRxboQU47UAwKknzVPa2p-1zAgqKMmXzjSxLfAuKorqn739wTUHWf6zczbeWZqNlKE-XmsE9sX_moZATrkz/s320/76443DC9-A52E-45B0-AA67-CD63E3EDDD12.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibAhBdFSLaIUZoZuc1_tVUgt8ieRYGxyqfHaSsXfa1Rpz_-9OcozICrApZULsb6Q1zKL4rUwRoohrddFs_147ZU_nuS1k-HHm85wtZPpPkCD1WzrmXpkdllk8OdOqmlU5Ul6gmq9K-SMaAbwF5StV3AJ1q8B1pCuz41nb-PfsWpGL2bzRLGPJXf-Lp/s4032/7AC4ABF2-A3C3-4D59-B7C5-95DD2AD285DD.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibAhBdFSLaIUZoZuc1_tVUgt8ieRYGxyqfHaSsXfa1Rpz_-9OcozICrApZULsb6Q1zKL4rUwRoohrddFs_147ZU_nuS1k-HHm85wtZPpPkCD1WzrmXpkdllk8OdOqmlU5Ul6gmq9K-SMaAbwF5StV3AJ1q8B1pCuz41nb-PfsWpGL2bzRLGPJXf-Lp/s320/7AC4ABF2-A3C3-4D59-B7C5-95DD2AD285DD.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-15306704894531056402023-03-15T04:26:00.002-07:002023-03-15T04:28:36.869-07:00With a little help from my friends…<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMR7qmnGZgJxKUtV7wFQHpzjJ12RmIWkM_9HY60-bWSqjcVlswgVoF6gJQUmPbfHwwjyQ6Euhoc7AnVmsqTYqnipVDXb1_g9vZ74NCgGOtL_p3mfGGhr9v-fua1OvKmhR_Uh0hZvOQNEe4DXMs8X8lZghi7cI-D-FsU1YEkX7EkHJaoYAHjVoQIff/s3088/2994AEA4-CA56-4803-885E-57C51110EE45.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2320" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMR7qmnGZgJxKUtV7wFQHpzjJ12RmIWkM_9HY60-bWSqjcVlswgVoF6gJQUmPbfHwwjyQ6Euhoc7AnVmsqTYqnipVDXb1_g9vZ74NCgGOtL_p3mfGGhr9v-fua1OvKmhR_Uh0hZvOQNEe4DXMs8X8lZghi7cI-D-FsU1YEkX7EkHJaoYAHjVoQIff/s320/2994AEA4-CA56-4803-885E-57C51110EE45.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Last week I had one of those conversations with my oncologist that caught my breath. I expected one of those more of the same plans but it transpired that I remained very anaemic in spite of the transfusion a few weeks earlier and a lower dose of olaparib. I knew I was anaemic again, the sore mouth and overwhelming sleepiness were again dominating my life.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Even on my birthday trip to the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews I was only too aware of my limitations. Although the staff and facilities were exceptional and I did feel the benefit. I was spoiled and loved it.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> But my bubble burst when we discussed what next at the clinic.The possibility that the anaemia might be due to the tumour and not the drug had to be acknowledged. I agreed to continue meantime with olaparib and have a scan early April and then decide with more information. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That afternoon I could not keep my eyes open and slept on and off for the rest of the day. It’s my bodies way of coping with shock. It tells the truth of the impact on me, even if my habit is to deny worries. Of course I now have an infection and I’m back on antibiotics which are helping. Thank goodness for the NHS and for skilled and compassionate staff. I know the NHS in Scotland has significant issues, my experience is of a streamlined cancer service that feels flexible and to an extent, designed around me. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And my other gift is my friends and family. From timely gift of a cute pink hat for the cold of St Andrews or walking the dog or making a lovely dinner or coming on a long weekend and reminding me I’m more than a sick person. I’m so deeply grateful and all the love keeps us both smiling and able to enjoy life’s joys. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzYawl6nxbt7jIM4KnAsETMIBXMUFA8-j1LS1RYyzEgjQruNrrx4W61Gb0ZJTaFiLtwQi9qgmAxEIGKJZ0mshZh7rJhKPZgO6faLH5qZC1BwQYL3OKwq0Ih8sbsfnNpxXXhcp0Vrwo0MxCODcJm4lwlqBsO4YWa9hfqaKMNaqjI383j13xdlSTDg_e/s2048/EEB9D41B-2A55-49EE-A0FF-7C96E2F4DD54.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzYawl6nxbt7jIM4KnAsETMIBXMUFA8-j1LS1RYyzEgjQruNrrx4W61Gb0ZJTaFiLtwQi9qgmAxEIGKJZ0mshZh7rJhKPZgO6faLH5qZC1BwQYL3OKwq0Ih8sbsfnNpxXXhcp0Vrwo0MxCODcJm4lwlqBsO4YWa9hfqaKMNaqjI383j13xdlSTDg_e/s320/EEB9D41B-2A55-49EE-A0FF-7C96E2F4DD54.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This last few weeks I’ve laughed and cried and enjoyed peaceful times as well as seeing new people and places. In spite of all life feels rich. Thanks to all of you who make it so.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I started this year committing to invest in love, life and gratitude. So far it’s working well for me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> I hope you too are enjoying spring. The weather still feels like winter but the spring flowers are daring to show their faces. I do love spring. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhYsPwTLSV9NfIxeuMFK3llxxvremdaxEN3GjLKncqIdxW4InZdU0I4IdV1HRldFXjquX4Al1D4Ul1adWryGX12TqM5rUle40EXGt_9dKaYAoE3XvFjV5aNC6cUe-rBbLa-fV2so7qyjFU3kcH8aomDCGeIsIL1_wN0YzBEAaUYxZBsi-Bu9iIrE1/s1222/1131E6D8-D863-4FF4-BC00-5CBD03F06E84.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1222" data-original-width="980" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhYsPwTLSV9NfIxeuMFK3llxxvremdaxEN3GjLKncqIdxW4InZdU0I4IdV1HRldFXjquX4Al1D4Ul1adWryGX12TqM5rUle40EXGt_9dKaYAoE3XvFjV5aNC6cUe-rBbLa-fV2so7qyjFU3kcH8aomDCGeIsIL1_wN0YzBEAaUYxZBsi-Bu9iIrE1/s320/1131E6D8-D863-4FF4-BC00-5CBD03F06E84.jpeg" width="257" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-28013966058959145622023-02-26T10:17:00.005-08:002023-02-26T10:17:58.862-08:00Exploring JOMO……and the love of cats and dogs.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWqB9XWnn9l-dEexbUe0s1n7C_NzjxLAvslDEkCZXWeh31m4OG13c99lkt6yaMLrdO5JPJO9sM_BDlaFk6xU647kCRpa-V3uO7qVDVeM8Xr_GfL8ohXDMv2DdfpJWYYMcifFf4nyK51w08mIjVXFc-A0nJ71Cwgu2bXR6z4bDaJUCIOW2VQQumGD5/s4032/E92B5CB9-8953-40F3-AFDC-6E05A2660828.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWqB9XWnn9l-dEexbUe0s1n7C_NzjxLAvslDEkCZXWeh31m4OG13c99lkt6yaMLrdO5JPJO9sM_BDlaFk6xU647kCRpa-V3uO7qVDVeM8Xr_GfL8ohXDMv2DdfpJWYYMcifFf4nyK51w08mIjVXFc-A0nJ71Cwgu2bXR6z4bDaJUCIOW2VQQumGD5/s320/E92B5CB9-8953-40F3-AFDC-6E05A2660828.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Just as eskimos have so many words for snow, I have many many ways to describe needing a nap. The only other household member who rivals me in time asleep is the cat. But when he ( and I ) are awake we try to fill our time with experiences. Our boundaries are fairly similar too, EH? and no further! If I too could climb a fence I would sit on the roof and survey the surroundings and catch a wee glimpse of Arthur’s seat. He’s even taken to sitting in front of the TV when it’s on. It’s not just to watch the ball in sports but last night it was silent witness. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirr-qh25WA7M1vq4VJbZCVMD82-7r4UOJe4s6O--XuGETOTWretPx4PtrUzXk7e55Xvf8sU57rXCJIYOjMcLXCTWw79A-Lwdi5YZBAdBp7allI3yS1sVjEAf7VS8CUxMAUnbS6rtqjdq3AUL1hF5bjWLjzReJTA3Z5BClY60ICK2EogOlmhZ1P09rp/s4032/EED20F24-31DD-4A1A-BC2B-CCB7C2F75D8A.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirr-qh25WA7M1vq4VJbZCVMD82-7r4UOJe4s6O--XuGETOTWretPx4PtrUzXk7e55Xvf8sU57rXCJIYOjMcLXCTWw79A-Lwdi5YZBAdBp7allI3yS1sVjEAf7VS8CUxMAUnbS6rtqjdq3AUL1hF5bjWLjzReJTA3Z5BClY60ICK2EogOlmhZ1P09rp/s320/EED20F24-31DD-4A1A-BC2B-CCB7C2F75D8A.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br />I dare say a job as a pathologist would be quite appealing to a feline? Or it’s maybe just to annoy us? <span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He’s also taken to sleeping in my wheelchair….even I don’t do that! Don’t suggest he’s looking for a new bed, he has many many beds to sleep on but he chooses a cold memory foam cushion on my very ordinary wheelchair. He likes to keep life on the edge you see.</span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT08lW55XW7L1ERcChqOWX51_AIXWT_i0SOfPQN687BTPnw9mNgYznUqcfMBGoHh9ATDMedby-xJJFi8CxUslVBd-jl2N_eQ9J6AWZTT4JBcT-R6dte_S1sNYiUoldXBBsmFa51IpUt-poQdhV_lVYQv6H8sATPpQMLuu9oc0AddkcFH_RAmXafEqT/s4032/5BC9918C-7F85-4EAE-A372-1C95D45C917D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT08lW55XW7L1ERcChqOWX51_AIXWT_i0SOfPQN687BTPnw9mNgYznUqcfMBGoHh9ATDMedby-xJJFi8CxUslVBd-jl2N_eQ9J6AWZTT4JBcT-R6dte_S1sNYiUoldXBBsmFa51IpUt-poQdhV_lVYQv6H8sATPpQMLuu9oc0AddkcFH_RAmXafEqT/s320/5BC9918C-7F85-4EAE-A372-1C95D45C917D.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve been very anaemic and so sleep has been my friend. But the fatigue remains, even following two units of blood. However the sleepiness has subsided and my mouth is no longer as sore. So my life has a simple rhythm and I find that I like that. All my life I have been plagued by an element of fomo ( fear of missing out) but now jomo is my mantra ( joy of missing out). It’s predictable, yes , but comforting too. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">February is bowing out and the sun is getting deeper into the house as it’s rising for spring. But it feels a bit like I’m in an autumnal phase, shedding some burdens and even resigning from the government committee I sat on.There’s nothing quite like serious illness for helping you see how you want to apportion your energy. With great clarity, I knew it couldn’t be that anymore. I’d love to write more but sleepiness doesn’t help clarity of thought. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve been doing some mindful knitting. It needs to be small and easy; a modern equivalent of knitting squares for a blanket I guess! Just now it’s headbands that I’m producing and enjoying giving them to family and friends. I guess some may never grace the outside but it’s a wee bit of knitted love that I gifted with great pleasure. And if it stays in a bag or drawer I really don’t mind. I even do a matching line in dog snoods. Now there is a niche pairing! The cat would not appreciate being dressed up so I haven’t gone there.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Our darling dog Cara is struggling more now with pain in her back leg. It’s carrying so much ( having lost a leg three years ago now) and she also has a soft tissue sarcoma on her back that seems to grow before our eyes. The time approaches for us to make a decision about her quality of life and when to let go. It’s beyond painful but we can’t let her down. She’s a dog who spreads love and kisses to all her fans. It’s hard to think of losing her. Everyone says you will know when the time is right. I do hope we do but thankfully it’s not yet. We need to focus on gratitude for the love she has brought to all of us for as long as we have her. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH3ymeUTZp1RRnx7-sJFF-z0xxYdPgxIeVK3XE44i-3xXDTfQ_SNVdOtuAAkatTdqqlGb_3-LBQ-RdxE4vqlgt9P9M-MsuhosZCsact5zpNfM13gO-ZDQQASRaMia5w4coyOceQsZmiG_ZBkWENLqU7Lp5kkd2VfEBWX1lrfS5lNrRx9UaU55AiX3W/s4032/91AF2CD2-AB12-41B8-B80B-C0DEE665A877.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH3ymeUTZp1RRnx7-sJFF-z0xxYdPgxIeVK3XE44i-3xXDTfQ_SNVdOtuAAkatTdqqlGb_3-LBQ-RdxE4vqlgt9P9M-MsuhosZCsact5zpNfM13gO-ZDQQASRaMia5w4coyOceQsZmiG_ZBkWENLqU7Lp5kkd2VfEBWX1lrfS5lNrRx9UaU55AiX3W/s320/91AF2CD2-AB12-41B8-B80B-C0DEE665A877.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-19473643312746231662023-02-11T10:41:00.002-08:002023-02-11T10:41:54.781-08:00The murmuration of fatigue<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-z6tb2XH0Fy3oFP-4NpCLtv6RUUSbFqQNqK-UaU20ZkTDcByQ6vtjVqLrYVUbA3GKLnDx9Yy5pBrWsxr9kFxex92sK0gsy3tGsixrJV-_yZ7C4YusRdIooMEA_89QIZhTc3fHY_1okZV4jg9ULD67cEgbJLe2_Fclihpr74AfCZlq0qHX2yU3HlQ9/s612/47D96C3B-625F-4D3B-B48F-37E06A40BDDB.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="369" data-original-width="612" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-z6tb2XH0Fy3oFP-4NpCLtv6RUUSbFqQNqK-UaU20ZkTDcByQ6vtjVqLrYVUbA3GKLnDx9Yy5pBrWsxr9kFxex92sK0gsy3tGsixrJV-_yZ7C4YusRdIooMEA_89QIZhTc3fHY_1okZV4jg9ULD67cEgbJLe2_Fclihpr74AfCZlq0qHX2yU3HlQ9/s320/47D96C3B-625F-4D3B-B48F-37E06A40BDDB.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Murmuration </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The starlings swarm </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">with grace</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">dark and ominous</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">compelling as they move.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Its presence echoes</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">the fatigue that </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">defines my day</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">my life.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Ennui cautiously plots</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">my movement</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">shaping my day</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">my life.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Rest, sleep and recover</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">my defence </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">as the starlings </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">sweep and turn</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">signalling goodbye.</span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-17144400891224785892023-01-14T07:15:00.003-08:002023-01-14T07:15:53.612-08:00A statistic in the NHS crisis. <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg_C4RuPPk0jYTzzar7fmH2lskGEcoBSWe8WPCRH4K9o8xWMEcfs8EjFugbowfwRDYkix6-IopmuE_ohtOi4gtXkW5JotYdw_dHvXBi7VQNtI5Vf3v3IgLuSkVGAMXf6nfigtIRiSuGVbDfJdNpnEOuTdbzgU5LUcfiMDzDNrTzQRelhe-XaU9LqJ2/s915/1DAC1CB2-6541-4B12-B801-A7BF88603222.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="915" data-original-width="647" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg_C4RuPPk0jYTzzar7fmH2lskGEcoBSWe8WPCRH4K9o8xWMEcfs8EjFugbowfwRDYkix6-IopmuE_ohtOi4gtXkW5JotYdw_dHvXBi7VQNtI5Vf3v3IgLuSkVGAMXf6nfigtIRiSuGVbDfJdNpnEOuTdbzgU5LUcfiMDzDNrTzQRelhe-XaU9LqJ2/s320/1DAC1CB2-6541-4B12-B801-A7BF88603222.jpeg" width="226" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /> <p></p><p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I can hear the noise as my chest moves up and down. I look around for the cat, the phantom snorer in the house. No-not here. Then I cough and it changes, of course it’s the wheezy crackles that have been my soundtrack since Christmas. Much improved, so much so that I’m free from the hospital bed and back home. Christmas has been packed away, a new year welcomed, gifts sniffed and tried-some eaten and life has returned to a normal rhythm. Except I feel so different. I’m depleted and fragile. I feel like a two dimension of my three dimensional self. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Christmas itself was full love, fun, games, amazing food and great company. By the 27 Dec most of us had flu symptoms and were slipping down a slope still saying we were fine. By the 28 I gave in and asked for help. I was admitted to hospital and despite a brief return home, I stayed there until Jan 11. It shocks me as I write that. Those days melted into the new year, never to be reclaimed as I got the help I needed to recover from Influenza A, Covid-19 and chest infections. My recent cancer treatment had resulted in anaemia which meant I was very susceptible to infection. Perhaps perfect storm is an over used term but it’s what it was. Andrew too has had flu but it seems not covid. He’s finally recovering and my admission at least meant he could recover without having to be a carer. Because carers dare not get ill, it’s the 24 hour job with no time off.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleItalicBody; font-style: italic;"> “The NHS will last as long as there are folk left with faith to fight for it” </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s3" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleEmphasizedBody; font-weight: bold;">Aneuran Bevan </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve been a statistic in the great NHS crisis narrative, fuelled by a harsh winter reality and a right wing media relentless undermining of a service under huge pressure from rising need and the aftermath of a devastating pandemic. This is not a service that’s failing, it’s a service that’s being failed by a government who are in turn failing in their duty of care to their citizens. And if you think I’m over egging this, remember this is the government that wants to reduce our human rights and walk that information to its inevitable conclusion. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The anger that arose as I write this shows my energy is improving. But mostly you find me reading, listening to podcasts and watching the odd series. The content needs to soothe my weary bones, provide an optimistic hue over these January days and not be too demanding! It’s a delicate balance and a tough ask. So far Slow Horses on Apple TV has kept me awake and engaged more than anything else. Watch it from series one, you won’t regret it. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And finally covid did not show up on the LFT we did at home, it was a PCR on admission that identified influenza and covid. My best advice is wear a mask and if you aren’t well, don’t mix with people until you are better. And get your vaccines, it’s never too late. Yes I was fully vaccinated and maybe that’s the reason I’m home now and recovering. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m completing this blog with my humble thanks to everyone who has helped us through and a special mention to Cat who has been awesome. She makes me laugh and feel loved all in the same breath whilst confidently and kindly making her special difference in the world. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Till next time, you will find me resting sooooo keep the noise down, eh? </span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-17471745335868255162022-12-26T10:23:00.003-08:002022-12-26T10:23:59.148-08:00Sending thanks for all the kindness, cheers 🥂 <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKrG8xvOkcjful6xWPM8Tpfi6jOaS-pDecuFCWTMohXPvtYzgVQ8UIDCJvsU8SmxW_cDWM87trdxxrlFOnxZSj6lkrue4L4XLdbNQxDViEFR_UNoiY-MDw7ffXTY39I8gu7JPPou0ykVy5NVVbBPRBo7VIMow-ndNz73Tsz1TOBem92lD5nmBCoijq/s2048/49FAE506-246B-4516-BA91-B7C9D7793103.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKrG8xvOkcjful6xWPM8Tpfi6jOaS-pDecuFCWTMohXPvtYzgVQ8UIDCJvsU8SmxW_cDWM87trdxxrlFOnxZSj6lkrue4L4XLdbNQxDViEFR_UNoiY-MDw7ffXTY39I8gu7JPPou0ykVy5NVVbBPRBo7VIMow-ndNz73Tsz1TOBem92lD5nmBCoijq/s320/49FAE506-246B-4516-BA91-B7C9D7793103.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 28px; font-weight: bold;">The experience of kindness</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 28px; font-weight: bold;"> </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It’s the time of year when amongst the stress of shopping and planning and paying for Christmas, there are the lights, the music and the kindness that make midwinter exceptional. My ability to enjoy this time is dependent on my ability to balance these polarities. I started to speak about my Mum recently who died five years ago and suddenly the seal on my emotions burst and the tears came. They were tears of loss which were unsurprising but beneath that was so much more. And generally it’s packed away at the back ot the wardrobe, never to be examined. Well at least not with an audience. I’m a proponent of the talking cures but maybe a wee bit guilty of not always engaging with it myself. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">As regular readers know it’s been a hard year. Two lots of surgery and a course of chemotherapy. And it’s the year my cancer moved from curable to hopefully manageable. A gentle way to say it’s stage four as the cancer has spread from my breast to my liver. It’s not large and is not giving me symptoms but I’m in the world of crucial scans and breath held as you wait for results. Early January is the next big one and I’m a bit scared. There I’ve said it. But I’m not going to focus on it over the festive season. Christmas is busy, fun and poignant too. Our Ukrainian friends have become part of the family, as this time has confirmed. They enrich our lives but we are very aware of the challenges that are back home and the mixture of feelings that accompany sharing in the happiness of our Christmas. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The world feels such a difficult place this year in particular with Russia’s attack on Ukraine, the poverty worsened by global effects as well as political decisions closer to home and the evident suffering across the UK. But it’s been important to celebrate all we have and all we are with the people we love. And in the midst of the despair for some there is kindness that makes every day better. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m reminded of the carers who help me on weekday mornings. Not only have they shown me care and kindness, they’ve become dear friends too. And the special family who help us in the house garden and even the animals are a precious part of our lives who brighten the day and week. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We’re so grateful to all of you who have helped us this year, especially our family, friends old and new and all the health and social care services that I /we engage with now. In an NHS and social care system that is under enormous pressure we have met skill, compassion and a timely service when needed. Maybe I’m just lucky ( :0) or maybe many services are often much better than headlines would have us believe. Don’t get me wrong we definitely need more investment in health care and social care, including paying them better. But it’s important too to recognise and give thanks to where it works well. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I want to end this blog as 2022 closes too, saying thank you to everyone who has touched our lives this year. You’ve made it special and helped us be able to look forward with some hope into 2023.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Wishing you all a very happy festive season and may 2023 bring you all kindness in its many forms</span><span class="s3">💕</span><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-83518741681431375672022-12-01T07:09:00.000-08:002022-12-01T07:09:48.202-08:00Breast cancer is a thief…<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2_kqoU0A-KUnI2dK0kwXUf5bNjAHPGkuKUIdBUBcWFtDEP9pFZvh4eFaVdhM0v6Om82xCI8DidH8vWFX8GHiCa3nT9tH6upZXrGNAZSKJCjniwt8o5YMaIrrVuhA2tEWXSeQ5hqaZKp7j8o8LvmGhCBkR38fLFHF5F0QKhNagOYpqySrYkbO5Mm_9/s2835/2EF4B078-5BD2-4580-9FEB-E72E1D5933AF.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1848" data-original-width="2835" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2_kqoU0A-KUnI2dK0kwXUf5bNjAHPGkuKUIdBUBcWFtDEP9pFZvh4eFaVdhM0v6Om82xCI8DidH8vWFX8GHiCa3nT9tH6upZXrGNAZSKJCjniwt8o5YMaIrrVuhA2tEWXSeQ5hqaZKp7j8o8LvmGhCBkR38fLFHF5F0QKhNagOYpqySrYkbO5Mm_9/s320/2EF4B078-5BD2-4580-9FEB-E72E1D5933AF.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><i>The view from the cancer assessment unit above, the bonus of a trip to the oncology centre in Edinburgh! </i></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I wrote the poem below in October which as anyone affected by breast cancer knows it the breast cancer awareness month. I tried to avoid the cliche of posting this then. As breast cancer doesn’t go away come November. It’s there all the time, even when treatment is over. Of course as time passes it fades from the forefront of your thoughts and becomes a background hum you can’t quite switch off. And the hum gets louder as new scans come around or unexpected triggers hit you in the solar plexus. Andrew once said after an appointment which although</span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> reassuring was stressful, he reflected “it never goes away”. It’s the fear that is so easily triggered especially if the cancer advances to secondary breast cancer. I’m regularly at the oncology department now and most times there is something that worries me. My most recent is anaemia after starting the new drug. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I’m a sleepysaurus and indulging in audio books and Netflix. Any recommendations are welcome, by the way! But Christmas is coming and I’ve been doing my best to plan ahead. I know it will be fun and I’m determined not to get stressed! But it's hard to think of the many people who approach the holiday worrying about money, missing relatives from their homelands or trying not to think that these special times are now numbered. I’m trying to do my best to help in whatever way we can. But it’s the connection I value at these times, not gifts or groaning tables of food uneaten. It’s important to remember that when I fret about gifts or when I feel tempted to over order food! </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">This year when we’ve seen such a fractured world and deepening poverty and for me personally i’ve had to face the spread of my cancer, time with those I love is the most precious gift of all. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">So here’s my poem straight from the fears and the love at the start of advent.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Breast cancer is a thief</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Stealing health</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Stealing peace of mind</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Stealing future dreams</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Breast cancer changes your body</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Changes your hopes</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Changes your friendships</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Changes your energy</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Breast cancer makes you grieve </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">for so many things</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But - cancer showed me I’m loved</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and I’m so grateful for that</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At the end -and the beginning and all way through </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">it’s really only love that matters.</span></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-32878865212849707682022-11-07T09:26:00.000-08:002022-11-07T09:26:18.747-08:00The Struggle Bus<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEyTLDs8i3w-5oI1BX-3vol10KNaD5VoHdamb5ch6Ml5x5uFijfo4Zrtnue_x4L5LAbCX2757QCTFojGtoHzsy3nMhU-fnaFXbTHxFrASxidKLMo3UqRUnzw4X2m7hVxfvbACl1JJ2Do9Cn77pi9uFRNZG4i6JhgtPTu0pXLXtbFq2R87ZFvRWb-0S/s282/EF8E4B06-C254-4B2B-9CB6-DE87B6FB228C.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="179" data-original-width="282" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEyTLDs8i3w-5oI1BX-3vol10KNaD5VoHdamb5ch6Ml5x5uFijfo4Zrtnue_x4L5LAbCX2757QCTFojGtoHzsy3nMhU-fnaFXbTHxFrASxidKLMo3UqRUnzw4X2m7hVxfvbACl1JJ2Do9Cn77pi9uFRNZG4i6JhgtPTu0pXLXtbFq2R87ZFvRWb-0S/s1600/EF8E4B06-C254-4B2B-9CB6-DE87B6FB228C.jpeg" width="282" /></a></div><p> Image of the struggle bus </p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve been quiet for a few weeks online. I’ve got new medication, followed by covid then antivirals, antibiotics and a cough that scared the horses that are all to blame for the radio silence. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m scared to say I’m improving but I think I’m having more good days. Strangely the virus seems to have increased my pain so as well as my cocktail of pain killers, self management techniques I’m adding in CBD oil. I suspect it’s helping and like everything it’s a learning exercise. Like life itself really.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A diagnosis of covid changed plans yet again. How much this pandemic has shaped our lives this last few years. As always our friends and family were attentive and kind. We realised after we were both recovering how worried others were for us but we both realised that we weren’t too bad. Although it’s been slow to cast off the tiredness and for me pain has been a daily and nightly challenge. A weekend away has intensified the fatigue and pain as well. It’s also made me realise that holidays far from home are just no longer sensible or even desirable. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It’s a loss realising that but it’s also a relief. I’d been torturing myself with ‘shoulds’ and now there is peace in accepting what is my reality. But we live in a stunningly beautiful city and country with so much still to discover. And with some good fortune sometime still to explore it. So long as we can find accessible places to stop! That frankly is a whole other story or blog. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I heard a great saying recently -I’m on the struggle bus-. I’m definitely on the struggle bus just now and like too much in this world, it’s definitely not accessible! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You see when things are accessible I can enjoy life just like everyone else. So credit to the Usher Hall in Edinburgh. Yesterday we went to see the Belgian National Orchestra playing a few classical pieces, most notably the Sans-Saëns Symphony No 3, the ‘Organ Symphony’. We had an amazing seat and simply wonderful experience. When access is good I feel relaxed and equal in the world. Frankly it shames us all how unusual that is my experience. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrAd4lYLSSJNMZFofWCiMAmaXwINi5S0la245QjBO7cPbP8NwQGHBhQkTw6Y5kBy8fmVZXhZ_hPw4VbZQrdsRD5s3ApWJrjE1ryK2koOWqqMCOk33IO0dp6t3e_o6hbG6Uf_zl8zxABOyZLzYy2UPJjj8jWcUoPIF9HvkY0NaPPJQVu8SeM2vVsB0/s2327/C7133B25-209D-4E26-BC9D-CBB544139CB3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2327" data-original-width="1219" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrAd4lYLSSJNMZFofWCiMAmaXwINi5S0la245QjBO7cPbP8NwQGHBhQkTw6Y5kBy8fmVZXhZ_hPw4VbZQrdsRD5s3ApWJrjE1ryK2koOWqqMCOk33IO0dp6t3e_o6hbG6Uf_zl8zxABOyZLzYy2UPJjj8jWcUoPIF9HvkY0NaPPJQVu8SeM2vVsB0/s320/C7133B25-209D-4E26-BC9D-CBB544139CB3.jpeg" width="168" /></a></div>Me waiting in the concert.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsx5uFqGw58B5RsiAlAgg8FDEQPcE3a-_Kbfq2NaoMQEyW8wPOkQIN5SC2qFfzib-lfwRZBAXvO0G0-cyfvHf6v_gK4L4LK3tdA3yHOlkjigNNbodGlP2pibA3_FmK2BDlVlWcWvSR5o0RVosG_0lrILwz_G4xP9ClU4BsZI50O4UfkSCB_rlFkZH/s4032/726EC416-4792-4840-931E-513361B7D70F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsx5uFqGw58B5RsiAlAgg8FDEQPcE3a-_Kbfq2NaoMQEyW8wPOkQIN5SC2qFfzib-lfwRZBAXvO0G0-cyfvHf6v_gK4L4LK3tdA3yHOlkjigNNbodGlP2pibA3_FmK2BDlVlWcWvSR5o0RVosG_0lrILwz_G4xP9ClU4BsZI50O4UfkSCB_rlFkZH/s320/726EC416-4792-4840-931E-513361B7D70F.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>The best view of the orchestra.<p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-1940055431927816282022-09-09T06:39:00.000-07:002022-09-09T06:39:13.682-07:00Who dreamed of being a princess? <p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">When I was a wee girl I never dreamed of being a princess. For years I wanted to be a cowboy. In particular I wanted to be a certain Cheyenne Bodie-a good guy in the main. Maybe I just thought he was big and handsome but I’m told I wouldn’t answer to anything but Cheyenne for some time. I grew out of it as you will have gathered but never wanted the princess look or life ever. Perhaps that meant I was never likely to be pro-royalty. Mostly they didn’t interest me and as a concept I believe an inherited monarchy is very outdated for our times, as well as a barrier to a fairer society.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But nonetheless I shed tears yesterday when the Queen died. I’m 66 and she has been there all my life. A constant, a symbol of loyalty, duty and service that seem so lacking in many in public life. I saw her twice in my life. Once we queued up as a family along the Royal Mile in Edinburgh during one of her yearly visits to the Capital. On this occasion she was in a royal carriage moving slowly between the Castle and Holyrood Palace. Perhaps I was even waving a flag as so many have done before me, I don’t recall. But I do remember being deeply disappointed. Because she didn’t look like a Queen at all! There was no bejewelled dress, no ermine cape and worst of all, no crown. She looked like my Mum you see. Now my Mum was a pretty woman and always looked nice. She was always well turned out! But not like a Queen. Queens shouldn’t look like your Mum. I went home very deflated. By the time I saw her for the second time, I was prepared to see her without a crown or even a tiara. It was at the Royal Garden Party in Holyrood. She was in the distance and I wasn’t one of those selected to be introduced so she was a distant figure in the crowd. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She still looked like my Mum. My Mum was much the same age and they shared hairstyles from the glamour of the 1940s and 50s to these later years when the soft white curls were kind to their older profiles. My Mum died five years ago now and there is no doubt some of my tears yesterday were for her too. And I wanted to call her to reminisce and see how she was. Grief is never simple. I’m sure many yesterday had great empathy for the family gathering together hoping to get some final moments with her. Those journeys are so painful in their urgency coupled with dread of the letting go. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Of course grief has been especially present for me recently. Knowing I now have stage four cancer has triggered my own grief. I’m trying to make sense of this time and feel a drive not to waste the time I have. I’m worrying for my family and how they will be once I’m gone but I know they will be ok in time. There is a selfish part of my grief as I don’t want to lose them. But that is life and loss and if I allow myself to sink into this grief alone, I waste this precious time. I’m determined not to do that but also I know to allow a place for my grief. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So as I grieve for the Queen my tears will be a complex mix, like most of us. Tears for her loss and her family’s too, for this fragile country and what will become of it and for ourselves triggered into recognising our own grief. As she reportedly said herself, “Grief is the price we pay for love”. So in this blog I’m giving thanks for her life as one well lived and for my own family, those who have passed and those so precious to me now.Every hour with my family and friends will all be treasured. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx07cOc-PTw0JqyyvNOgLDAlm5yDyqYp824RgSzPb0a0fWMdNwhcGohyQXgKYfXPSjAwSGZeFHshDz8wKjEMJEXYhQJLSsP-4-Nx6bub1KjI7SfdwTgaSWq4MWbRqalYTJQt1yXTiM8PT_mkZnV9nKM4zxvEZmDU6Cg379zhEu8mru_N_qGRHjfZrP/s650/A19259BC-23F8-401A-8636-8DF3393114E0.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="650" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx07cOc-PTw0JqyyvNOgLDAlm5yDyqYp824RgSzPb0a0fWMdNwhcGohyQXgKYfXPSjAwSGZeFHshDz8wKjEMJEXYhQJLSsP-4-Nx6bub1KjI7SfdwTgaSWq4MWbRqalYTJQt1yXTiM8PT_mkZnV9nKM4zxvEZmDU6Cg379zhEu8mru_N_qGRHjfZrP/s320/A19259BC-23F8-401A-8636-8DF3393114E0.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6725365617442285507.post-63287118553700723932022-08-24T03:16:00.003-07:002022-08-24T03:16:50.910-07:00Another club I don’t want to be part of. <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS77jfPHy4NC-K_N43sZxPAPzfIAZKXYZgZy_iyGCNRPLWwrUkLth-6lPxSOygceOPCSpIEEZGhCNdQY86u6YzFbKEl_h-EmlaCSphpbOkFU098-VI94aUwCVzQ-w8qGczMei5iV2aFMwLg6yjjaTt3v9KuXlTY9YieVBHKYGDMZsr7Ak1RF-RtmGp/s4032/E7E98621-B7C4-462D-9186-32988EB22E6F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS77jfPHy4NC-K_N43sZxPAPzfIAZKXYZgZy_iyGCNRPLWwrUkLth-6lPxSOygceOPCSpIEEZGhCNdQY86u6YzFbKEl_h-EmlaCSphpbOkFU098-VI94aUwCVzQ-w8qGczMei5iV2aFMwLg6yjjaTt3v9KuXlTY9YieVBHKYGDMZsr7Ak1RF-RtmGp/s320/E7E98621-B7C4-462D-9186-32988EB22E6F.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I have started this blog a few times. At last here goes. I wrote the last blog unaware that I would be about to have a shift in my own cancer experience. I’ve had many new diagnoses in the last few years. And for all the impact each one has had, they’ve all been remarkable in that they have been localised and therefore primary diagnoses. That means they have not spread beyond my breasts. True I’ve been battered, bruised, had breast removed and reconstructed and then reduced by cancer again but the still the cancer stayed locally. Until now.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A scan earlier this year had suggested I might have had metastases in my hip but that it was static. In order to be sure of that it was repeated two weeks ago. And yes it had remained static. Phew! But…..and it’s a big but…</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I have metastases in my liver now. Now that, I wasn’t expecting. In short it means the cancer can not be cured- but it can be treated. I have metastatic breast cancer-another new club you don’t want to be a member of. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m to be started on a parp inhibitor soon that’s had good success in my type of cancer. When I worked for Breakthrough Breast Cancer ( now a merged part of Breast Cancer Now) as the director in Scotland, these drugs were being developed as a result of work in the research labs, along with CRUK. We celebrated these as true breakthroughs and I feel deeply grateful to now benefit from them too. I’m hopeful still and resolved to take a stage at a time BUT not delay doing any fun things I’m keen to do. A few people have asked how I am, and I’m not sure I know. Mostly I feel sad.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Today I got an email from Breast Cancer Now inviting me to Wear it Pink. I’m as likely to wear it pink right now as I am to fly to the moon. I understand these are important fundraising activities for the charity. And these are the funds that support the future breakthroughs that will save lives so please please support them. But if the only way to do that is to prance around in a pink tutu or similar then count me out. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In spite of my news I’ve not really cried. It doesn’t feel real but I know it’s making memories that will fell me like a punch in the stomach. Or when I see my loss echoed in someone’s face as we speak of my uncertain future. I’m glad to cry, it’s true it’s a release. And so is laughter. You will probably read about both of those if you stick with reading this blog.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Many of you have read this for years, old friends tuning in and now and again, getting in touch to say hello. Thanks for being there, our hidden cheer leaders! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: start;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p></div>Audrey Birthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12724783724560921741noreply@blogger.com0