Thursday, 29 March 2012

Like Elvis I have left the building ....for a few weeks anyway!

Yesterday I switched off my work emails until June! The advice to take a few days off before I have surgery next week ringing in my ears. The pre-op at the beginning of the week made it all seem very real. And so the next few days are about getting organised, time with friends and family and of course relaxing.  And it's started well, with a concert by Karine Polwart in Greyfriars Church in Old Edinburgh. An atmospheric setting and beautiful as well as thought provoking concert. I recommend her work if you like fine voices and thoughtful lyrics. It was uplifting and just what I needed after what was an emotional day. And today a walk through the botanic gardens in the sunshine , lunch in the Russian Cafe then a massage leaves me feeling absolutely spoiled. Certainly it's restoring and better than rushing around and working up to wire as I did last year. So I am learning. Every days a school day you see...  Thoughts of the surgery are to be avoided really but I have been thinking about what would be a good outcome. A colleague suggested I was going to get the t..s (ahem) I always wanted!  To be honest i just wanted them to be as they were. But I think that's a pretty unrealistic expectation .  For 17 years I felt very aware of the impact of treatment and this last year I have had to wear a prosthesis. And frankly I hate it. So a good outcome for me is simply be not having to wear it. Anything else will be a bonus. And perhaps most of all doing this gives me my best opportunity to put it all behind me again. My dark side has found me thinking of what I could do with  the redundant prosthesis.  A ritual burning in the garden? Cut it up and feed it to the fish in the Forth? I mentioned to my vegan daughter that a wee marinade and it could pass for tofu in a curry maybe? ( you know to refuse a dinner invite to my house now!)  A less violent end could be a nest for a pink chick, knitted by one of our Breakthrough volunteers. The pink chick has become something of a legend in the office, being photographed I locations all around the UK and even has its own twitter address (BBC Pink Chick for my fellow twitterati). But perhaps the little fella deserves a better nest than that? All ideas welcome of course. Reasons to be cheerful are the support I have had from colleagues to take the time I need to fully recover. Also knowing I am in very good hands next week. My family are being hugely supportive too....and I am grateful to them all.  I am stock piling books and DVDs and the sun has been shining down on us all this week. Long may it all last. I leave you with the words of a song by Karine Polwart  -do look her up, you won't regret it. Follow the Heron Home  The back of the winter is broken And light lingers long by the door And the seeds of the summer have spoken In gowans that bloom on the shore By night and day we’ll sport and we’ll play And delight as the dawn dances over the bay Sleep blows the breath of the morning away And we follow the heron home In darkness we cradled our sorrow And stoked all our fires with fear Now these bones that lie empty and hollow Are ready for gladness to cheer

2 comments:

  1. My husband read your blog - it was tweeted by Karine Polwort(such an amazing voice and talent). I know where you were coming from and I too am sharing the journey, prosthetic was too much to cope with. Wanted a "wash and go lifestyle". Had the LD option on 30 March. Doing well but feel emotionally shattered.

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  2. I hope you are recovering Dierdre. Yes it's an emotional roller coaster is it not! I was with anger yesterday but calmer today. Take it a day at a time. Thinking of you.

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