For Auld Lang Syne

 "For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!"

I am no good at good byes. And they are fast approaching. Now I concede whatever had happened in my life I may always have found them difficult but I believe that the day nearly 19 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer makes them harder for me. It opened up that vulnerable place and I just was never able to shut it up again.

So with some big goodbyes approaching, a trip to see Les Miserables at the cinema was very  risky but I really wanted to see it. Off I tripped with my colleagues and of course "I dreamed a dream" was my undoing. A scene of a mother dying and not being there to care for her child my nightmare. But it's also such a powerful story of love and redemption that my heart was lifted too. A bit of a cathartic release lets say!

It's the theme that's at the core of my vulnerability: not being there for my children. I was interviewed this week about my time at Breakthrough Breast Cancer and my hopes and plans for the future. Inevitably my own breast cancer story was explored and it was speaking of lost friends and my children that  brought the emotions to the fore. But I do know its what makes me good at what I do. It does touch me deeply, I want things to change for everyone and I may be vulnerable about loss but that just makes me human....not weak. Indeed I suspect it makes me all the more powerful, especially if I don't try  to box it away.

So this is a very long way to say if I am tearful next week as I say my goodbyes....that's ok, it's just my way of acknowledging that I care. And I do care, especially about making things better for all the people affected by breast cancer. As one of the women in our One Day video says "I want all Mums to be there for their children's key milestones"......amen to that. I will continue to do my best ,from the sidelines in the future ,to make that a reality.

My other goodbye this weeks is to my own Mum, who is moving closer to family to get the support she needs now. After 60 years in Scotland she is returning south. It's a huge step for her and absolutely right. To be closer to the heart of family and feel less lonely. I will miss her, but I am so pleased for her and know she won't look back. So this one's also for Mum, go well but aye keep a bit of Scotland in your heart. Auld lang syne.

Reasons to be heartful. The love and support of families, friends and colleagues. And the chance to make a positive step to a new future is always there if you are brave enough and have that love and support to make it happen. So all stand for a toast please! To courage, to the future and to love in all its forms.