Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Running in my dreams



I had a dream that I was running last night. Now don’t misunderstand me, it wasn’t running along the beach at St Andrews,  chariots of fire style or getting to the finishing line in a race, no it was just ordinary running, like for the bus maybe. Or perhaps just for the hell of it to shake off some cobwebs or after the dog on the beach ( usually saying give the dog it’s ball back, Cara!) . For that moment I could run with the wind in my hair, smiling, enjoying the rush. Later in the dream I played paldies or hopscotch,if you’re not from round here. I was jumping up and down joyfully, feeling a child’s delight in the activity. Then a friend reminded me from an adult place to remember I wasn’t supposed to do any impact activity and I landed with a thud. Out of the dream back to reality. Running is in the past for me as is jumping on pavements to some long forgotten rhyme. Walking slowly is my current status and whilst I’m grateful still to do that, I’m still mortified that snails overtake me on a regular basis. I tut at myself or curse under my breath when I walk feeling I’m on a conveyor belt that’s going backwards. The stick is my life line to be able to walk any disctance but in spite of that I regularly leave it behind. Then curse some more till I retrieve it. I confess now these are less than mindful occasions. 
So for a moment in the dream it was fun, carefree. Then I woke up. What it reminded me of was the dreams I’ve been having about my Mum. They vary but generally I realise she’s still alive and I worry about how she’s managing. I feel guilty of course that I hadn’t realised and it’s lovely to see her and a lightness returns for a moment. Then I wake up. Loss crushes me again for a time and then of course I move on, I have to. 
Processing loss is not a tidy affair I’ve learned. Its not a linear process that you emerge from newly wise. Nor is it a neat circle that you travel round, from anger to denial to mourning to acceptance all tied up in a fancy bow. Nope, it’s messy, complex, confusing, alarming and maybe sometimes if you are lucky, comforting. But it changes and I know this will too as I adjust to my reduced mobility.

I’m thinking it’s time to bring back my « reasons to be cheerful » part of my blog from before. So this blogs reason to be cheerful is I’m enjoying swimming and my new physio belt is helping me jog/pedal in the water and it’s fun. Well there’s a nice twist to the tale. So if you see me don’t laugh, just know I’m running in my dreams. 

3 comments:

  1. WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
    my 28 years old daughter have been a patient of breast cancer . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my daughter symptoms. One day when going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from cancer,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my daughter which i received and she used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible.the redness and nipple discharge gradually stooped ,on thing now she is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from cancer.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS

    ReplyDelete
  2. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

    ReplyDelete


  3. Hello everybody!!!
    I don't just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for herpes, I have been suffering from herpes since last three years with my husband but today I am happy that am cure from it with the herbal medicine made by Dr climent the great healer, I was browsing the internet searching for help when I came across a testimony shared by someone on how Dr climent cure her from Herpes Virus. I quickly contacted him to get the cure and today i am now free from the virus, I am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so' people out there kindly contact this great doctor please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine. whatsapp him or call +2347036879479 or whatsapp him +2347036879479 drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com
    He also cure
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL HERPES
    11) HE ALSO HAVE SPELL TO BRING BACK ANYTHING YOUR EX LOVER. E.T.C





    Hello everybody!!!
    I don't just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for herpes, I have been suffering from herpes since last three years with my husband but today I am happy that am cure from it with the herbal medicine made by Dr climent the great healer, I was browsing the internet searching for help when I came across a testimony shared by someone on how Dr climent cure her from Herpes Virus. I quickly contacted him to get the cure and today i am now free from the virus, I am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so' people out there kindly contact this great doctor please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine. whatsapp him or call +2347036879479 or whatsapp him +2347036879479 drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com
    He also cure
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL HERPES
    11) HE ALSO HAVE SPELL TO BRING BACK ANYTHING YOUR EX LOVER. E.T.C

    ReplyDelete