Good people , good support ,new sandals and a hair cut!
There are lots of paradoxes in this cancer game I keep finding. One of them is just when you are feeling fine is the point you are reminded you aren't! And there is a paradox too that when you most need to quiet the mind, it's hardest to do it. Recently I have found it harder again to meditate and to sleep. Looking back to last year I realise I thought because the cancer was found early and I kind of know the drill , I could therefore pick and choose the impact . Wrong! And what's more having a recurrence isn't the same impact of a first diagnosis. I am slowly accepting that. There is no doubt though, that having this time to recover from surgery has helped me do some of the emotional trauma recovery as well as the physical one too, its just that its not a smooth line, there are bumps along the way. It's a reminder again of the importance of support not just during treatment but afterwards too, often when you least expect it. Its so important to ask for support, its not admitting failure , it's an important part of your treatment. Support to recover both physically and mentally should be built into care for all, not just available to lucky people like me who are fortunate enough to live near a Maggie's centre or similar. So as I prepare to return to work I am working on ensuring I listen to and look after myself. Although I am much more robust , I still haven't tackled a supermarket shop myself or driven any distance or even read a good novel; tiredness and concentration being still an issue. And a recent visit to the dentist had me in tears as did a visit to a massage therapist. No not the lets play some whale music and help you relax type of massage....more the lets beat you up and get those muscles released variety. Why didn't I opt for some aromatherapy?! Lost cause,i fear! Last year I contemplated a t-shirt that read "I haven't been well you know" to warn people. But this year it might say instead: "I am a bit wobbly by the way" My colleagues have really helped with their approach. I have been kept up to date enough to feel like a valued member of the team but not burdened by it. So much so that when I chose to go along to an art auction this week and got the chance to speak, I felt able to do that. I felt like I hadn't been away and really enjoyed the evening. It's helped me feel positive about going back soon. I am so grateful to them for finely judged information and support, done with compassion. They are awesome! Reasons to be cheerful. Well my great colleagues of course. And I have just had a much needed hair cut. So I am feeling rather more presentable. New pink sandals helped seal the deal too! Best of all I have embraced my lady wot lunches and relished time with friends. Family vists to look forward to this weekend as well. I see the GP on Monday to hopefully get a final return to work plan. Fingers crossed!