Saturday, 5 May 2012

Walking barefoot.....

My highland interlude has come to an end and I have returned home. But the end of the break was as special as the beginning with time for walking barefoot in white sand , collecting shells for the garden and watching Urqhart Castle on Loch Ness emerging dramatically from the morning mist. What a special time it was. But it's nice to be home. Todays walk around the local Botanic gardens included a visit to the exhibition about nests. Artists creations to reflect nests speak of their importance and it struck me that especially in times of vulnerability how even more important my own nest has become.[p] The last few days I have felt exhausted, recovering from my trip. It's a delicate balance between rest and building stamina and I don't always get it right. I guess I have spent a year trying not to give in to tiredness and whilst I would agree  it's not a wise coping strategy I would also admit to feeling scared to give in to it incase I can't get out of it! Like a huge well I might fall into and not climb out again. Even as I write it it makes no sense but the fear is no less real. And the tiredness isn't just physical ,it's emotional too. A weariness of dealing with the impact, the dilemmas, the risk analysis, the implications and just feeling sick of it all. I know it will go in time...I just want it to hurry up! I guess in part I hoped that the reconstruction work would some how wipe it all out -draw a bold line in the sand, putting it firmly in the past. And maybe it will yet?[p] Yesterday I met a few of the Breakthrough Breast Cancer team in Scotland and it was great to hear the banter again. They were careful not to burden me with work but it was good to flex the brain a little, discussing council elections, forthcoming events and sharing some funny tales of life in a charity! Apathy and council elections do seem to go hand in hand as we discussed. Yet so many decisions made at council level impact on our lives so fundamentally. And the gender imbalance of elected candidates has been noted with concern too. The headlines have been full of who can claim to be the winner but what really matters is what happens now. The voting system means collaboration is the key to successful decision making and the optimist in me hopes that perhaps that could mean less tribalism and more decisions right for local communities. I read a comment saying they visualise there are lots of discussions and deals going on behind the scenes....a bit like Borgen but without the power macs! And the women too it would seem...[p] Reasons to be cheerful. A lovely break refreshed me. Also I enjoyed catching up with team Breakthrough, hearing their enthusiasm and energy for our important work. I am getting out and about more and thats so welcome. The nights are bright and a super moon is promised this evening, thanks to the proximity of the moon to earth. The cat can't wait! Oh and it's series finale of Homeland soon...

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