Thursday, 17 May 2012

Would you like a top up?

I approached the clinic with trepidation as you know. I has worried that the fat graft reconstruction had not really taken and that the surgeon might take me down a new unplanned route. So in my head I had planned them all and had a tick off list for pros and cons. Exhausting mentally as you may imagine. However he was happy with me and reminded me that i was told top ups would be required. I did know this and it wasn't just a case of selective deafness...honest. But now I know what a top up means. Because my normal answer to would you like a top up would be , oh that would be lovely, thank you. So in my head a top up was a sort of "more tea vicar" scenario, stress free and simple...could do it in your lunch break kinda thing. Well I got that wrong, didn't I? It's more bruises than a round with Mohammed Ali , general anaesthetic and hit with a stun gun type of top up. One of my prepared scenarios was, actually I can live with it now so let's just leave it at that. But I realise that's foolish, to stop a processes in its tracks before its finished. And I found myself saying that it's not the pain or bruising, it's the time off work I feel concerned about. I know, a bit mad but that work ethic is deep in the genes! But I am told its a much smaller op and much faster recovery time. Well that's Augusts plans for me I think. I had hoped for Edinburgh festival going but there's always next year.... And we agreed that breast cancer treatment is a long haul with many false summits. I guess my latest op was one of mine. But my journey is nothing compared to many. Its often surgery, chemo for nearly a year ,radiotherapy, reconstructive surgery, top ups and tweaks.And that's not including the emotional roller coaster. Then theres the follow up, with occasional heart stopping waits for biopsy, mammography and scan results. And for many too , recurrence with all the fear, pain and further treatment that that entails.  My own mountain has had some false summits but it's a small one compared to others Himalayan style climbs and sometimes with less hope of success. The mortality statistics are so encouraging for breast cancer now BUT lets not forget the journey for many for survival is a hellishly tough one. The stats  hide the truth of a breast cancer experience and it doesn't stop when treatment finishes. So for ALL the brave people who live through a breast cancer journey ( and I mean family and friends too) I salute you. And all our work is not done till we truly see the mission of Breakthrough Breast Cancer a reality ....a future free from the fear of breast cancer. Reasons to be cheerful. I am seeing friends this weekend and really looking forward to that. We had a beautiful walk yesterday at the coast in North Berwick. A marvellous beach, great bird watching and on this occasion Colin Firth. No I didn't see him as he was filming in a house we passed by. But I didn't have any make up on so frankly I wouldn't  want to meet Mr Darcy  looking like that now would I? Feeling a bit done today after my walk but it was good at the time but may have over done it.....Now all we need is for the sun to come out.


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