As many of us will be, I have been both a carer and someone in need of care. There is no doubt both are hard. And I have found it so hard to write this. In part I'm reluctant to offer advice when we are all so different. I don't wish to be prescriptive so here are a couple of things that helped me both times I had treatment for cancer. They may work for you too.
Recently when I was convalescing my son and his partner really helped by coming over and making a meal then staying and sharing it with us. I loved that, they helped us both and we got to enjoy their company too. Absolutely the best of both worlds.
When my children were little and I had cancer for the first time, the offer from friends to take them, to give them a break was so valuable. I could relax knowing they were having fun.I felt less guilty and they got relief from the burden of a sick parent. It helped us all survive a difficult time.
Small things matter remember and sometimes bigger things are needed too, so don't be afraid to offer, don't be hurt if its turned down and be open to a fresh suggestion...it's not about you after all.
And finally a word for the person needing the support...do accept it , it helps everyone. Also just let go of any hurt caused by the people who don't offer help and instead disappear....they don't have it to give and therefore can't help you. My experience is those who genuinely offer their support more than make up for them so focus on them and move on. Life as we know is way too short......