Day 30 reflections on this "one wild and precious life"

Day 30 This one wild and precious life?

The final day of the month long challenge and I feel a confession coming on...yes you know already, I missed a few. But in my head that's progress because I'm not seeing that as failure but  just allowing myself to make self preservation choices.

When I embarked on the challenge I did it to stimulate me to write a little more on some fresh topics and some of them worked well for that. But not all of the topics resonated with me, some were a bit too complicated for a life on the move ( Pinterest case in point!) and some days I just had no time. Now the old Audrey ( stop it!) would have made herself do it all or submit to some self flagellation for not doing it. But I am just accepting that some days it was a challenge too many.

Yesterday's penultimate challenge was to say three things you like about yourself. I had planned to do it . But I ran out of time ....and steam so here are two of them today. The first thing I like is that I like connecting with  people and my favourite thing to do is to build relationships with people who share my interests -on or off line. And this week alone I have met people I first knew on twitter or in the blogosphere ...how fantastic is that? The power of social media to connect not just in a shallow way but in a way that builds meaningful links. We are in transformational times and  I'm sure we can use this ability to connect differently in powerful ways in the future.

The second thing is that I like that I am open to new challenges, not just of the blogging variety, but in life in general. Having a new career is of course my major new challenge and its really important that as I work with others to look deeper in themselves to grow and develop, that I too am open for that. It's not easy to move out of your comfort zone in to new terrain and each time I do it I have moments when I wonder why.....why on earth I am putting myself through it but also why on earth I didn't do it earlier! We are all complex beings and maybe a positive legacy of a life threatening disease for me...is not to miss the challenges I can learn from and that can bring me fresh connection, new joy.

My reflections on the blogging challenge is that it did inspire me to write a little more. Some of the topics provoked unexpected insights. The image of the black panther was one in particular, evoking so many reactions. The question on 
whether adversity makes us bloom another trigger, this time of anger. Yes we can learn new things from the cancer but frankly most of them could perhaps be learned in much less traumatic ways.

My anniversary post helped me acknowledge not just my history but also my loss. Much though I may have wanted to have boxed it all away , tied up with a nice pink ribbon it just wasn't that easy. And I have had to face I have lost my wellbeing, my confidence in my health and in some respects,my job ( my choice but not for reasons of my choosing).

So the blogging challenge helped me express some things I hope have helped others, have some cathartic release and enabled some honest self appraisal. Mmmmm I wonder what the next challenge could be for this "one wild and precious life."

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver