Day 4: Lighting up the darkness- a letter to myself on diagnosis with breast cancer
Day 4 the prompt is to write a letter to yourself at diagnosis knowing what you know now.
This is a hard one for me as I have three diagnoses to choose from, and all had a very different impact in some ways and very similar in others. But I'm coming up to the first year anniversary of my most recent diagnosis and I'm naturally in that phase of looking back and reflecting, so here goes....
Do you remember last year when you were diagnosed? Of course you do because you were absolutely furious! Not sure who or what with, but mostly because you had started to feel like yourself again, stronger in body and mind and bang that was blown up in your face. That anger will go in time, replaced by the stubbornness that gets you through it. December is such a dark time to deal with dark thoughts but you put up the tree early and brought some fairy lights into the shadows and maybe that's a spot on analogy for this year. Because although its been a dark time in many ways , you've also had some truly magical times too, surrounded by people you love and the kindness of strangers too....and all of them have lit up the darkness.
You're going to face some times when you'll wonder what you've done to yourself as the reconstruction operation will take its toll but then you'll remind yourself it wasn't actually much of a choice. And you'll find a way to keep going and know that it will get easier.You will receive excellent care and find a new GP who will help you feel supported and cared for, all of this will help your recovery.But it will take time.
And finally I'm going to remind you that you need to be kind to yourself as your recovery continues and to continue to prioritise time with those you love over anything else. After all its the only thing that really matters.