As I emerge from sleepiness post anaesthetic and re-engage with things my mind is also moving forward to getting the next lot of results and what that will mean. I know I am not alone in listening intently to every nuance, every word, every shrug of the shoulders or look of sympathy and trying to build meaning from it.
A surgeon as experienced, as Professor Dixon knows this very well and chooses his words carefully as he talks to me after the operation. I noticed he was encouraged by not having had to remove so much tissue this time and how I hope that means perhaps there wont have to be the next stage surgery after all. But of course that isn’t what he is saying. But maybe, just maybe he is leaving the door open for that?
I share this with you not because I know the answer but merely because I am examining that question over in my head. I caution myself not to get my hopes up but its hard not to. It’s another week till I get the results so distraction is the only way till then I suspect.
Breast cancer treatment is complex and deciding about treatment requires a good level of knowledge, an ability to understand and analyse risk, self-awareness and good people around you to help you know and accept what is best for you. The mantra of those looking after me in Edinburgh is take your time-you don’t have to rush a decision. Its good advice but what about those who don’t have that knowledge or support, who are scared by the word cancer and make quick decisions they then regret?
In time with the move towards personalised medicine- the progress helped by our research in Breakthrough Breast Cancer –these decisions will be more informed. But we will also need to enable people to be guided through these decisions-as this process will help them deal with the impact of the treatment in the longer run.
My head is not only there, its also been in trying to deal with the how do I shower/wash my hair and keep my wound dry too. My fabulous daughter suggested a boob cap (shower cap adaptation). Sadly I had to email her at work earlier to say that it worked for a wee while but fell off eventually. So the plan for Dragons Den and the advertising jingle to the tune of “love shack” ( try it-boob cap baby!) have to be shelved meantime. Keep working on it hon there’s a gem of an idea there.
Reasons to be cheerful today are. The hair got washed, got some lippy on and feeling more optimistic I might get to the team night out and hear the karaoke talents at the end of the week. More of that later…