Who stole May and made it November? What a day yesterday was. As the weather unfolded, my own personal dramas were coming more to the fore. Approaching results days are always hard. Yesterday was my first day back and my decision was to keep busy and I certainly achieved that!
To say I was exhausted at the end of the day was an understatement. Every time I thought it would be nice to put my head down on the desk I realised perhaps I had returned too soon. The keeping busy strategy isn’t always good for convalescence I guess.
In the midst of all that I spoke to Professor Dixon who gave me my pathology results and it was great news-very little extra disease and nothing invasive. I felt a huge burden lift as he said this. Although as I have said from the beginning this was very early disease there is always that fear that maybe pathology finds something unexpected-and they didn’t.
Having this information before my appointment the next day was so very valuable. The team understand that assimilating information a bit at a time is vital. So having this to hand stopped me rehearsing the different scenarios in my head.
I always felt fairly sure I wouldn’t need chemotherapy as long as no invasive disease was found and I knew I couldn’t have more radiotherapy. So further treatment if needed will really centre on surgery or drugs like tamoxifen. I had tamoxifen for five years previously and I will admit that the day I stopped them I beat up the remaining ones with a rolling pin!!! I do feel a bit silly admitting that but its true-i hated taking it.
I didn’t however want to come off it as it was one of the ways I felt I could ensure the cancer wouldn’t return. As a Mum of young children at the time I felt I had to do everything I could to ensure I was there for them. One of my friends lost that battle when her children were still at school and I knew it could happen to people like me. But this is a different stage in my life and I would make a different choice now I think-especially for such early disease.
So I now know any further treatment is preventive only and there is even possibly an option of doing nothing more now but I am not sure I want to be back here again any time soon………..so I have a dilemma. A good one in so many ways and I know this.
Reasons to be cheerful: well that’s not hard, it has to be my results! Additional reason, if rather trite by comparison is that I have had my Wonder Woman eye shadow on too. I know you thought I was joking but it’s a special addition Mac set that I got for mothers day. Every time I open it up it makes me smile and embrace my inner wonder woman. Not sure I could pull off the wonder woman outfit though-especially just now -I am sure there has to be bit of under- wiring there?