I have been off work for a week now although will admit to having had some attachment to the blackberry. Is it an obsession or just a need to stay engaged with a job I love? Maybe its also about staying linked to the normal rhythm of my life, balancing complex demands and exploring opportunities to make a difference? It’s a big bit of who I am after all.
We often assume that peoples first reaction to a diagnosis of cancer is fear of dying or treatment but its often also about how will it impact on my job, my relationships, my holiday plans etc. Lets face it for many its also how will I pay the mortgage and will it affect my employment prospects. All legitimate concerns that are in the mix at the 2 am shift of the insomniacs.
A week in I am wondering when is the right time to go back. I cleared my diary until tomorrow (ever the optimist) and put contingency plans in for Friday but seem unable to make a decision….perhaps there is a clue there, I know. I did go out today and survived so that’s one tick in the box.
I noticed that although my norm would be to listen to music I haven’t done this since my op. Is that telling I wonder. My i-pod is my constant companion but somehow doesn’t feel attractive just now. My current walk to work music is the Travelling Wilberries ( love it!) and my favourite reflective music is by the master-Leonard Cohen. Cant decide if I start listening to Leonard I should see that as a good or a bad sign…………..however I want to share this verse with you as its so comforting to me at the moment.
“ Ring the bell that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. Its how the light gets in.”
Don’t think it will be one of the karaoke options.
Reasons to be cheerful today are: Nice new top on and friends are on their way round to see us this evening. Another friend explained that she knows her Mum is better when she has the mascara on. Failing the mascara test currently but maybe tomorrow? The pinnacle will be my Wonder woman eye shadow. Cant wait.