Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Music and mascara

I have been off work for a week now although will admit to having had some attachment to the blackberry. Is it an obsession or just a need to stay engaged with a job I love? Maybe its also about staying linked to the normal rhythm of my life, balancing complex demands and exploring opportunities to make a difference? It’s a big bit of who I am after all.

We often assume that peoples first reaction to a diagnosis of cancer is fear of dying or treatment but its often also about how will it impact on my job, my relationships, my holiday plans etc. Lets face it for many its also how will I pay the mortgage and will it affect my employment prospects. All legitimate concerns that are in the mix at the 2 am shift of the insomniacs.

A week in I am wondering when is the right time to go back. I cleared my diary until tomorrow (ever the optimist) and put contingency plans in for Friday but seem unable to make a decision….perhaps there is a clue there, I know. I did go out today and survived so that’s one tick in the box.

I noticed that although my norm would be to listen to music I haven’t done this since my op. Is that telling I wonder. My i-pod is my constant companion but somehow doesn’t feel attractive just now. My current walk to work music is the Travelling Wilberries ( love it!) and my favourite reflective music is by the master-Leonard Cohen. Cant decide if I start listening to Leonard I should see that as a good or a bad sign…………..however I want to share this verse with you as its so comforting to me at the moment.
“ Ring the bell that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. Its how the light gets in.”
Don’t think it will be one of the karaoke options.

Reasons to be cheerful today are: Nice new top on and friends are on their way round to see us this evening. Another friend explained that she knows her Mum is better when she has the mascara on. Failing the mascara test currently but maybe tomorrow? The pinnacle will be my Wonder woman eye shadow. Cant wait.

3 comments:

  1. I was once told by a very wise friend that underneath all the routine and clock-watching and schedules of modern life, we are all still very much instinctive animals. Our body tells us what we need to know and we get that gut feeling for most things - Be it whether to avoid a person, take a break, eat, sleep. All the things modern man fools himself into thinking is scheduled and must happen at x y time.

    Maybe if you take that step back, just for a moment, your body and mind (your soul, if you like to call it that) will let you know when you are ready. Don't rush it too much. Just listen to what your body is telling you and before you know it, you will pick up the signs.

    I get the feeling from your postings that you are already doing this a little. It is good to be reminded once in a while though, that doing so is perfectly natural and okay.

    It can be a hard thing to do at times. I know this from years of living through my own and others depressions and illneses. Just think, you have got out today. Tomorrow, maybe the mascara, but if not maybe a longer trip out?

    Sending you all my best wishes. Know you are amazing, and in my thoughts.

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  2. Hello Gorgeous, enjoying your blog Aud.
    You know what I am going to say....take it easy and enjoy the very rare treat for you to lay back and survey the world and all its glories...you are already back at work honey courtesy of blackberry and blogging...xxxx

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  3. Was speed reading through your blog and up popped the Travelling Wilberries and Leonard Cohen in same paragraph. We must have something in common apart from breast cancer as The TW and the Best of Leonard Cohen CD's are the 2 that I listen to mostly when I am driving. I also like to listen to something loud and raucous when I feel the need to 'bop' around the kitchen so love the old stones and lots of 60's music. Hope all goes well with your recovery.

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