Audrey’s Blog on living well with disability and breast cancer

I started this blog when I was rediagnosed with breast cancer and working as the director for Scotland of Breakthrough Breast Cancer. A tricky combination that made life challenging and my blog helped me make sense of it all. A few years on, I blog about lots of things to do with healthcare, leadership sometimes even politics but I rarely blog about asthma. But it is probably the thing that has sapped my wellbeing much of my life. Of course often I don't notice it, think of it even, as my symptoms are well controlled with a combination of treatments and the avoidance of triggers. Food can be my downfall and I know to avoid wheat, apples, chocolate (not fair!) but sometimes I get caught out. Mostly it's a virus that pushes me down the slippery slope. I have steroids at home to take if I get acute symptoms quickly and usually wait too long to take them. I have a cough that shakes the rafters at times and I want to wear a sign that says " I have never smoked" be

This time it was perfume A drift of a scent A memory evoked A heartbeat skipped I thought of you As you were As I glimpsed I saw An old man turn A stranger of course My own Dad Long gone, long mourned Still missed But you've been luckier A new generation  Has been born You have watched as they thrive Their smiles warm Your ever shrinking life Your life now is in the moment And that's enough It has to be Memories- no one can take them You told me recently I smile and wish that was true 

I have found myself thinking about soundtracks of late. In the WEL we talk of changing our personal soundtracks. You know the ones?- that say we aren't well enough,or maybe good enough, strong enough or similar and they can stifle our recovery and our achievements even. Maybe your soundtrack is downbeat at times, sad too or even jarring and discordant but essentially you feel it doesn't enhance your life. But here's the thing, you can change it. And what's truly wonderful is when you change the soundtrack you change how you experience life. We aren't born with these soundtracks but life starts to orchestrate them for us. Often we think we are stuck with them but the reality is we aren't. It's a liberating thought, all we need to do is find a new soundtrack and focus on that one and create the right conditions for it too. Still the mind, be mindful rather than mind full and practice the new music. It takes effort but it does help. Much