Showing posts from April, 2018

Closing the book at the scary bit

There should be a word for the time when you are awaiting surgery. I’ve done it too many times now but this feels different. Waiting for spinal surgery which carries such risk is slightly surreal- like a story you are reading and are really  intrigued by but also detached from. I think I’ve decided to close the book at the scary bit. It feels like it’s a huge crossroad from my life now and how it might be in the future. It’s a cliff edge and I really don’t like heights. But neither do I enjoy the constant pain and poor mobility.  I now have dates in my diary for a pre-op assessment and angiogram. Just need to fill the date in for the surgery and that’s my summer sorted.  The first time I was in hospital was to get my tonsils out. My recollections are of a strange excitement, very close to fear but with a hint of intrigue. Jelly and a giant Easter egg also pepper the memory banks. But the biggest impact were the nurses. I still remember the whisper of their kind presence at my