Audrey’s Blog on living well with disability and breast cancer

Emphasising humanity I'm in an unusual position just now. I'm transitioning from convalescing after treatment for breast cancer again to engaging back with the external world of life and work. It's always a challenging stage and I feel I'm pacing out the boundaries of what helps me return to all that life holds and what keeps me well. I suspect it will be a lifelong challenge. And one I share with many others. But my work is in the field of health and well-being and there's a different lens I'm seeing that world through just now and that's really very valuable. There's something fine tuned to seeing what really matters and equally being aware of what doesn't. The report on the national conversation on a healthier Scotland was launched recently and also I have been part of discussions on bringing the Buurtzorg model to Scotland as well as exploring what we can learn too from the Alaskan NUKA model . It feels like there is a

There has been a strange rhythm to the last few weeks. We have had two bereavements in the family. Both long lived but nonetheless mourned by those who loved them. I've struggled to get my equilibrium right in this time, concerned for others and keeping a weathered eye on my self-care. And getting it wrong regularly. Any loss of course evokes our own grief and reminds us of our own mortality. Standing by a grave side recovering from cancer is not easy for anyone concerned. The demons I'm fairly good at chasing took over for a time. The "how long", "what if's" returned and how life sapping that is. I've endeavoured to return to being in the moment and mostly I can do it apart from when I don't feel good; then its harder. I have shared other people's huge relief for me not to have needed chemotherapy but it hides a recovery that's not without its challenges. I still need regular pain relief from my surgery, I'm takin