Showing posts from June, 2011

From a distance

I seem to be thinking in song titles currently…now that could be the stuff of a whole blog itself! But this time the title is From a Distance…the Nancy Griffith version please. And not only does the world look blue and green but it also does put things into a perspective. Some of that’s good of course…the petty annoyances that can overtake me at times, the work demands that recede with backdrop of the mountains, the need to paint the hall way unimportant without the daily reminder…. What is less good is that without the other clutters of life the reality of my recent experience couldn’t be ignored. It is the realisation that I didn’t just dream it but it really did happen. When you are in the middle of it, it just finds its own momentum and adrenaline takes you through. My experience this time and before is that its afterwards that the impact of it all can hit. So some part of my lost mojo is about reacting to it all both physically and emotionally. There is a rhythm to this and the

For the Roses

Fathers day has left me thinking of my own father as these days do.He died now almost 17 years ago but he is often in our conversations and certainly in our hearts as a family.I havent mentioned him yet in the blog and my reflections are in part its because it felt too close. In the last few days as I have thought of this a line from a Joni Mitchell song is returning to me.Its from "For the Roses" and its the line about a poet who asks someone " to circulate his soul around". Talking about this in the blog feels a little like this but I also know its part of not only my story but many others too. When I was first diagnosed almost 17 years ago my father was also being treated for prostate cancer. During my treatment his condition became terminal and he died two weeks after my radiotherapy ended, probably my lowest ebb. I am sure I dont have to describe how hard that was for everyone.It made all the experiences harder for us all and took its toll for a time. Its al

Always look on the bright side of life-de da de da de da de da

What a beautiful and moving day Saturday was. I attended the wedding of a colleague and although it sadly rained all day it didn’t dampen the warmth and happiness of the day. As always-big events in life can bring sharply into focus earlier losses. The groom and his brothers made sure that during their speeches they remembered their Mum who they had lost to breast cancer several years earlier. I had met them before at our supporter event last year when they raised a fabulous amount and honoured their Mum’s memory by putting her name on the wall. I was moved then by what they had done- and feel sure she would have been so proud of them. It was evident on Saturday that losing their Mum had resulted in the forging of a close bond between them. She would have gained great comfort from that. That links so much to a conference I also was part of this week. Harry Burns the Chief Medial Officer in Scotland spoke at it. He spoke of research that looked at what helps people survive adversity

Support is everything

The morning of the Supporter Wall unveiling I admit I was a bit anxious. But excited too. I so wanted to be part of it. The people who do so much to support us are our life blood and I didn’t want to miss this chance to meet them, hear their stories and most of all say thank you. But it was also that world's colliding moment for me too. How would I manage to be part of what is always a very emotional occasion?     One strategy was to wait until I had spoken before I had in depth conversations with any of the supporters. I also knew that several people there were reading my blog and aware of my situation so felt it best to acknowledge it. What’s more the person I was introducing to speak after me was none other than Professor Dixon, my surgeon and the clinic lead of the Breakthrough Breast Cancer research unit in Edinburgh . Don’t worry all went well but the moment I introduced the day by saying that more than 4,000 women every year in Scotland are diagnosed with breast cancer and

Wish lists

I have  already spoken of feeling my every need cared for by the team in Edinburgh and this week has been no exception. Given the infection I had experienced they were keen to see how I was. I am progressing but admittedly slowly.Apparently the fact I have had radiotherapy makes me more at risk of infection. Like so many treatments for cancer the side effects can have a lasting affect. As its part of the reason I am here 16 years later it would seem churlish to complain really....... On Tuesday I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon to advise me on options for the future. Its not a phrase I ever thought I would use. I would admit to some vanity (!) but have never thought of resorting to surgery. Basically I am relieved that my eyesight fading means I cant see my wrinkles however an appointment with a plastic surgeon has found me creating a wish list in my head-mmmmm.No forget it Audrey! All along I have felt a true partner in my care , I have been detected early, given a pe

Missing in action.....

Its official! I have lost my mojo. I thought it would return without an offical search but no. So I would like to report MIA one mojo-please if you find it return it to its rightful, if rather careless, owner.  I do at least know the reason. I finally recognised that the swelling and pain was getting worse and that I have an infection. Happily its now improving with antibiotics and rest. But I am off work again. Sorry team Breakthrough .....but if you join in the search for said mojo I hope to be back before too long! So not wonder woman after all eh? I blame the lack of under wiring personally:-( To aid return of mojo I hope to prepare over the summer for our walk in Perthshire. I have done long distance walks before and love nothing better than walking through beautiful parts of Scotland. This is part of a new trail through Perthshire and takes place on 9/10 September so lots of time to prepare. Would you like to do it with me? It should be great fun and uplifting ( no pun intended