Let love win.

I’m realising my life has become two dimensional and since the weathers changed, also a bit grey. 

Till now I’ve been content to be in the house and garden. I’ve managed to get some sun and even have lunch outside. I’ve listened to bird song and enjoyed seeing the flowers come out in our garden. 

But it’s joyful to see the family in the garden. The activity of our grandson is entertainment itself and life so full of discovery. Cara and Davie are becoming sound friends. Yesterday they sat together and Davie realised the fun of feeding the dog all your food, even as Mum says no. Especially as the dog then tickles your hand as she licks it off. He was in a kink giggling and Cara was living her dream. We laughed so much it was impossible to stop the dog or Davie. Social distancing is not in their lexicon. 

For me social distancing means I have to sit to one side of life. I realise I’m sort of seeing it through a lense thats greyed off. Only Davie beyond the household has breached the distance and I fear that once this lockdown has passed I won’t know how to properly take part in the world again. 

My emotions too are greyed off. And my mood is flat. The sort of flatness that stops me wanting to do things. Clearing out my office space has been on the cards for months now. It may as well be for me to climb Ben Nevis. I’m tearful even as I think of it. When I feel things are just too tough I know I’m struggling with my mood again. 

I see it in others too. It’s almost a lockdown phenomenon. ‘You can go out now folks. Mmmm it’s ok I will stay here, where I’m safe.’ But when I have gone to the park it’s been wonderful. Time outside is special. But social distancing is stressful on pavements. I tense with everyone I see. No wonder once I’m home I’m completely exhausted and yet all I’ve done is drive my mobility scooter. 

Recent polls and surveys have identified another lockdown phenomenon. In the few weeks where we’ve seen so much about racism and rightly so, we’re also seeing people’s  attitudes to the disabled harden. The polls have identified what can only be called hate crime. People told they should not be outside, told no right to go on public transport, spat on when they’ve asked someone to let them go past safely.....I won’t go on because it distresses me.

Since being a wheelchair user I have noticed behaviours change towards me. The occasional ‘does she take sugar’ moments and giving change for something I’ve paid for back to who ever is with me. Mostly I don’t get too wound up by them because life is too short but I do make a point of speaking up in the moment nonetheless. I’ve not met hate crime as yet but of course I’ve met endless occasions when access is denied because of the building.  I feel so guilty when I’m with others and they are left with the many compromises I’m used to making. I know all the family are now awake to these issues. Is that why some people are so angry when they see us out, after all they are used to a world that we can’t access. The hidden people who have no right to inconvenience the able bodied! 

I do experience many many kindnesses too. I do believe it’s the minority that treat the disabled as lesser than but the data suggests it’s not as few as I would have thought. It feels like a slippery slope we need to deal with. Changing attitudes starts with us all, just as it does with black lives matter. If the public look aside when they see disabled people or indeed people of colour treated wrongly then that’s the culture that prevails. I don’t want to live in a culture where hate is the norm. We can and must be better than that. Lets be the world you want to see where love wins, always. 

We need to talk about Shielding

We need to talk about Shielding               

I’m not sure why I cried after I saw my grandson in more than two months. Maybe it was the goodbye without a hug that was my final undoing. There was something unfamiliar and anxiety provoking about this. We played in the garden, he loves my wheelchair and in normal times he would snuggle in for a read. I missed that.

 We had sent him a book about Greyfriars Bobby and he loves it, I hear. He’s a sponge of new words, yesterday was digger and then to my delight, Grannie’s house. He kept climbing the step and knocking on the door with my walking stick. ( fine practice for being Black Rod as is the medieval way in the Palace of Westminster!).But he wasn’t allowed in to enjoy his resident toys and in this case a favourite clock that aroused a memory. Thankfully the sun was shining. 

Our neighbours six year old Grandson recently cried himself to sleep, saying ‘ I want my old life back’. At times I have felt the same. My heart ached to hold not only my grandson but my son and daughter and daughter-in-law too. Their hugs have been healing over the years. At only 20 months Davie has only so much understanding and hopefully is spared the sense of loss expressed by the older children. But I want him to remember our hugs and love. 

All of this is so relevant to discussions around shielding. Our experience is not unique. When we tell people to stay in for 12 weeks at least to protect themselves from the virus then we have to also to seek to understand the many impacts of that. Last weekend in England those who were shielding were told off you go. We told you twelve weeks but it’s fine, honest! I can only imagine the mixture of feelings that was met with. Delight, concern, shock and many, many questions. There were limits to the newly announced freedom, so people could go out with a member of their household or if alone meet one person from another household. 

But it also happened at the same weekend the Deputy CMO ( chief medical officer in England) said this easing of lockdown when the virus was still very present in communities, meant this was a very dangerous moment. What scary mixed messaging.

In Scotland shielding will be reviewed at the 12 week stage( mid-June)  WHO suggest that when the time comes the individual needs to take a balance of risk. Although I haven’t been shielding , I have been in mostly as I felt unsafe in my mobility scooter, trying to stay two meters apart.

 

I know this has an impact physically as many of us will not have been able to exercise and maybe we’ve been dependent on food from others. And many people have been separated from human contact. As a species who are hot wired to connect that obviously has an impact. Human contact has both physical effects ( calming and slows the pulse) but also improves how we feel emotionally. Mental ill health is a growing issue and most services are already a stretched resource. But maybe it’s not that traditional support that’s the answer? Many charities have offered superb support, with volunteers the mainstay of that. So many people have gone extra miles and then some. But no system can rely on that long term.

 Scotland has a chance to do this differently and for example ask those shielding, what would help most? Get people with shielding experience in the room as partners planning a way forward. Ask what matters most as lockdown eases, what’s helped most? What could we do more of/less of. 

Also those very charities which can provide so much to help,need the resources to develop. Volunteers and services are not a free resource, if we want them to do their best. Working with communities, not doing to them will give the best results. We don’t know all the answers but as always, most importantly, we need to ask the right questions and listen to the answers. The most vulnerable in our society, need our best response. There are lots of families, just like mine,waiting and hoping to reconnect.