Just as eskimos have so many words for snow, I have many many ways to describe needing a nap. The only other household member who rivals me in time asleep is the cat. But when he ( and I ) are awake we try to fill our time with experiences. Our boundaries are fairly similar too, EH? and no further! If I too could climb a fence I would sit on the roof and survey the surroundings and catch a wee glimpse of Arthur’s seat. He’s even taken to sitting in front of the TV when it’s on. It’s not just to watch the ball in sports but last night it was silent witness.
I dare say a job as a pathologist would be quite appealing to a feline? Or it’s maybe just to annoy us? He’s also taken to sleeping in my wheelchair….even I don’t do that! Don’t suggest he’s looking for a new bed, he has many many beds to sleep on but he chooses a cold memory foam cushion on my very ordinary wheelchair. He likes to keep life on the edge you see.
I’ve been very anaemic and so sleep has been my friend. But the fatigue remains, even following two units of blood. However the sleepiness has subsided and my mouth is no longer as sore. So my life has a simple rhythm and I find that I like that. All my life I have been plagued by an element of fomo ( fear of missing out) but now jomo is my mantra ( joy of missing out). It’s predictable, yes , but comforting too.
February is bowing out and the sun is getting deeper into the house as it’s rising for spring. But it feels a bit like I’m in an autumnal phase, shedding some burdens and even resigning from the government committee I sat on.There’s nothing quite like serious illness for helping you see how you want to apportion your energy. With great clarity, I knew it couldn’t be that anymore. I’d love to write more but sleepiness doesn’t help clarity of thought.
I’ve been doing some mindful knitting. It needs to be small and easy; a modern equivalent of knitting squares for a blanket I guess! Just now it’s headbands that I’m producing and enjoying giving them to family and friends. I guess some may never grace the outside but it’s a wee bit of knitted love that I gifted with great pleasure. And if it stays in a bag or drawer I really don’t mind. I even do a matching line in dog snoods. Now there is a niche pairing! The cat would not appreciate being dressed up so I haven’t gone there.
Our darling dog Cara is struggling more now with pain in her back leg. It’s carrying so much ( having lost a leg three years ago now) and she also has a soft tissue sarcoma on her back that seems to grow before our eyes. The time approaches for us to make a decision about her quality of life and when to let go. It’s beyond painful but we can’t let her down. She’s a dog who spreads love and kisses to all her fans. It’s hard to think of losing her. Everyone says you will know when the time is right. I do hope we do but thankfully it’s not yet. We need to focus on gratitude for the love she has brought to all of us for as long as we have her.
