The Scanner

I wrote this to express my anger at poor practice but the process has really made me think about whether being kind is just a bit of icing on the cake or whether its actually a core skill. I found myself defending the person, saying maybe they had a bad day, it was busy, you know how it goes. But the truth is this attitude stood out as it was so different from the care and compassion I expereince with the breast team. There is such fear around in those experiences, that kindness and soothing are as important as knowing how the machine works. The lady following me had sat with me at lunch and she cried almost constantly; her fear so present about what was ahead of her. Yes the scan was a small part of her journey but any bump in the road with leave you bruised and fearful for the next stage.
So please anyone reading this, my plea is just be kind, it's not just nice....it's part of our healing.


The Scanner 

Put your things there

Climb up onto the platform

The machine looks on

Coldly

And so do you

A smile might help

I think as I sit down

I swing my legs over

I hear my heart beat quicken 

 I steady my breathing

Can I have a cushion under my knees?

You oblige and secure my hands

For comfort you tell me

The machine comes closer

It won't touch you just

Keep still for 15 minutes

You say as cold as the steel

You turn and leave the room

Alone- me and the scanner 

Left to do its soulless job

I keep my eyes closed as it comes near

I stay still

I breath, I calm my thoughts

It scans me -mercilessly thorough

It does its job

You come back

You move the machine

 I stay still- I ask anxious questions

Another 12 minutes you say

I breath, I calm my thoughts

You return to release the machine

And I step down, head spinning

Steady you say

But now you see I'm angry

I have scanned your every move too

I have scanned for a smile of comfort

I have scanned for a sign of warmth

A sign to steady my fear

Just like your machine I'm programmed 

But I look for humanity

Sadly in you - like the machine- I saw none