I'm
puggled I told the GP this morning. She Irish and I'm thinking she's still
trying to find out what it means. Although perhaps my presence said it all.
Don't get me wrong I know to expect to be puggled just now given I'm only 12
days post-op but I'm also breathless and needed to check for a chest
infection...on which the jury is still out and I'm watching a box of
amoxycillin with suspicion.
It's been
strange time; I know I'm progressing, wounds healing and I'm a teeny bit
stronger but also life is passing me by and whats noticeable is I'm ok with
that. I've finally stopped thinking that somehow I should feel guilty about
having needed this treatment. I'm not sure why that's taken its toll, maybe
it's some presbyterian guilt about costing the NHS money? Analyse that! But I
recognise its deeper too. I've had to tell myself that a mastectomy without
reconstruction would have been painful in so many other ways and that my choice
to have an immediate reconstruction was the best , worst option. Maybe there is a fear in me of that decision
being seen as vanity. I'm vane, I dye my hair and wear make up of course I am
and I'm ok with that being part of me. But actually it's much more core than
that, it's about feeling complete. And so I may be bruised and swollen beyond
words and feel sore and stiff and puggled but the miracle worked by the
surgeons is my road back to feeling restored. And I'm deeply grateful for that
and to the whole team ( and team Birt) who have played their part in that.
My care
has been faultless, expert, skilled, kind and compassionate. I'm blown away by
the service that has supported me so well. I couldn't be more grateful to the
NHS for providing excellent care and giving me all the options I need just now.
This is the same week where our Chief Nursing Officer has been criticised for
calling out poor care. I for one applaud her. She also gave praise where it was
due and credited most nurses with doing an excellent job but I know-as she
does-that's not the reality everywhere. It's no coincidence my care is
excellent, breast cancer care attracts the best staff and I'm a well informed,
middle class, relatively healthy woman with good family support.
As ever
my experience has made me wonder how it would be for an older or less well off
woman who lived alone, someone with cognitive impairment like dementia or
someone who will not be tempted back to health with good food and love. We need
our care services to care for all, whoever we are with the skills and kindness
I have been shown. We all deserve no less than that. The team who looked after
me could not have been busier, the ward and theatres were hectic day and night
but I was always given the message that no request was too much, no effort
spared. Ok I know in the hallowed halls of health care they are well respected,
valued for what they do. Can we say the same for the staff in a care home or
similar? Perhaps if we valued them too, we would see less poor practice? Staff
deserve to be treated with humanity and respect and the depth of skills and
compassion needed to care for someone in their home, with complex needs and
little family support is no less than those needed to care for someone like me.
Let's find a way to invest in our care teams, the returns will be worth it.
And
finally i want to say thank you to all of you who have supported me and
continue to do so. I feel loved and cared for and that's helping me feel
confident of recovery and even make plans for the year as it unfolds. I write
this blog with love and gratitude to my family, my friends and to those who are
caring for me.
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