When Summer Hurts
No, it’s heart burn
Heartsore, heart broken.
A summer of loss
A path untravelled
A climb unreached
A beach untrodden
A Loch unexplored.
Images abound of this glorious time
from Scotland shimmering in the sun
the beauty catches the breath,
attracting wild swimmers and
free walkers taking in this marvellous land.
Searchers for a different world.
I long for these images
each one invites me
a vicarious traveller
yearning to share it.
And still the loss digs into my soul.
I rail against my body.
I resent I can no longer trail
sandals in hand along those empty beaches
or walk the softly shaded woods,
they can no longer soothe my spirit.
Spontaneity of summer
sucked dry with endless planning and
no access stumbles.
How can a simple trip
be so very arduous?
I don’t want your sympathy!
I want a world that invites me in,
that includes me, clumsy, in pain.
Not this one that makes it too easy to stay home,
no longer an embarrassing reminder
to a world where only
the well or able are needed or wanted.
These days I struggle to climb steps.
Trapped in or out of this home
that’s kept me safe from our virus laiden land
and incompetent government.
Crossing a threshold I clutch my anxiety
wrapped in pain and grief.
Desperate to escape, desperate to hide.
One woman’s freedom, another’s prison.
Leave me alone.
Don’t leave me behind.
A paradox of need,
a push pull of relationships.
I need to speak to this loss
it’s as real as the cussedness
that fuels me day after day.
So summer please
Make room for us.
Those who are unwell,
Who mourn a life, a future, a past.
Those who have lost their love,
their profession, their health.
We too crave the suns warmth,
we long to make memories
to lose anxiety and find peace.
We want to find the hope
in the summer light and feel it’s joy.
Let’s us in too, please-summer.