Saturday, 24 July 2021

When summer hurts.

 When Summer Hurts

Summer hurts 

Not sunburn

No, it’s heart burn

Heartsore, heart broken.

A summer of loss

A path untravelled

A climb unreached

A beach untrodden 

A Loch unexplored.

Images abound of this glorious time

from Scotland shimmering in the sun 

the beauty catches the breath,

attracting wild swimmers and 

free walkers taking in this marvellous land.

Searchers for a different world.

I long for these images

each one invites me

a vicarious traveller 

yearning to share it.

And still the loss digs into my soul.

I rail against my body.

I resent I can no longer trail

sandals in hand along those empty beaches

or walk the softly shaded woods,

they can no longer soothe my spirit.

Spontaneity of summer 

sucked dry with endless planning and

no access stumbles.

How can a simple trip

be so very arduous?

I don’t want your sympathy!

I want a world that invites me in,

that includes me, clumsy, in pain.

Not this one that makes it too easy to stay home,

no longer an embarrassing reminder

to a world where only

the well or able are needed or wanted.

These days I struggle to climb steps.

Trapped in or out of this home

that’s kept me safe from our virus laiden land 

and incompetent government.

Crossing a threshold I clutch my anxiety

wrapped in pain and grief.

Desperate to escape, desperate to hide.

One woman’s freedom, another’s prison.

Leave me alone.

Don’t leave me behind.

A paradox of need,

a push pull of relationships.

I need to speak to this loss

it’s as real as the cussedness

that fuels me day after day.

So summer please

Make room for us.

Those who are unwell, 

Who mourn a life, a future, a past.

Those who have lost their love,

their profession, their health.

We too crave the suns warmth,

we long to make memories

to lose anxiety and find peace.

We want to find the hope

in the summer light and feel it’s joy.

Let’s us in too, please-summer. 

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