Is it Autumn now?

 It’s been a time of tense appointments, antibiotics and wandering cats. It’s supposed to be autumn but the trees are holding onto their green leaves and enticing us with thoughts of sunny days. But the nights are changing and our solar lights  spring in to life earlier and earlier. The bees ( thats the lights)cheer up our patio aimed at warming the winter nights,  a contrast to the darkening skies. 

A series of urine infections have me wearing out the carpet trotting back and forth to the toilet, cursing the side effects and the relentlessness of it. Honestly I haven’t been feeling great, weary and going from one health issue to the next. As we approached the oncology appointment and to get the result of my latest scan I was nervous and saw the same in Andrew’s expression. So we had the usual rage at the car parking and rushed to get there on time and then waited for 90 minutes to be seen. The music ( smooth radio) was playing a bit too loudly, with every cheesy song known to man. Eventually Andrew embraced it and was singing along quietly and making me laugh. It’s laughter that sustains us always. But in time the oncologist confirmed that all my symptoms were not due to infection but due to the liver disease advancing again. Although I knew I felt tears close to spilling down my cheeks. Our hearts sank but we knew it was coming. Back on another oral chemo, back in a three week cycle of a kind of cancer umbilical chord trapping you to the cancer ward. It’s world that is both familiar and frightening. Our summer was definitely over.

I visited our modern art gallery recently and parked under the neon sign that said “everything is going to be alright” and decided that it’s an omen and Andrew captured the image. 

Recently Koshka the cat has been behaving strangely. Autumn generally means him snoring the afternoon away but recently he’s been out much more. So it’s been hard to know where he is. A few nights ago  I headed to bed saying is the cat in? Andrew’s reply was hesitant so I called for him all around the outside and in the hall. Nothing. Andrew did that some more looking under beds as well as in the gardens. Nothing. We both slept for a while then I heard a noise so went out to look again. The rain was pouring down. Still. Nothing. Andrew went outside aware of the risk of being caught wandering at night in his PJs!! My mind was racing and then- yes you guessed the cat skipped down the stairs looking for dinner -“he’s here!” I said cautiously, uncertain of the reply of the nighttime wanderer. I won’t repeat what was said. But then we slept soundly till morning. 

We were retelling the tale to our son, able to laugh now. Andrew said I think maybe the cat has dementia. He said are you sure it’s that, he’s just come out of the drinks cupboard…What a week it’s been and I’m on yet another antibiotic and waiting for the appointment to start chemo. Life feels tough. But I’m at the final stage before printing my book! It’s my light in the gloom and helping me look forward. Here’s how it’s going to look, by way of a teaser. More on this soon.