Borgen blues......

Borgen, Birgitte and......

One of the inventions I enjoy is the ability to record your favourite TV or films to watch when you want to. That ability to kick off the birkies , put up your feet and savour the delayed gratification that comes from saving the treat till the work is done cannot be overestimated. Of course if you are like me and also engage with twitter it's essential to avoid the live twitter feed if you have it on record. Spoilers abound but it's not that reason that the recent episodes of my biggest obsession- which of course is Borgen- have caused me distress. Oh no, it's the storyline of late.

As a political anorak of sorts, I admit my idea of a good night is watching Danish political drama with subtitles requiring my full attention. In fact one of the highlights of this year for me was watching the last two episodes of the of the last series at the Filmhouse in Edinburgh, followed by an interview with the actress , playing the states minister, herself. Believe me I wasn't the only person there with a bit of a girl crush on her.

Over the earlier series I have also ( like many women I guess) seen a little of myself in her dilemmas between family and a demanding career, the value bases challenged in a masculine culture, the inner idealist struggling with the paradox of power and powerlessness. But let’s be honest the similarities have been tenuous, she is younger, more glamorous, very eloquent and successful and she can wear high heels and power macs with more style than I have ever managed.

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

Of course this series has given us more in common. Her diagnosis of early breast cancer seemed to come out of the blue, not a classic lead up at all. ( How like life too...) So much so that the end of the episode she was diagnosed- left me unusually quiet. I then dreamed all night about her. Concerned that she got the support she needed, scared she made the same mistakes as me, if truthful. NO I wanted to shout, don't try to carry on, get support, allow yourself to be loved and held by those who care about you. It's hard enough, don't make it harder.   Of course I know she isn't real but I wanted to save her from herself. I wanted her to be wiser than me. I didn't want her to suffer more than she needed to.

But maybe for people like her and indeed for me the habit of pushing yourself to survive in a challenging world will also be something that kicks into play even when we know in our hearts it's not the solution; whatever the reason-but perhaps especially with illness. You know that to succeed as a woman  you usually have to do it all- but backwards in high heels as the Fred and Ginger analogy would have it. So if you add anything into the mix that smacks of weakness then in many parts of the working world the wolves circle, licking their lips. Of course it's not just that, we are also used to thinking first of our children or other family members , soldiering on whatever, wishing to protect them from pain and worry.

I confess my undoing was watching her children's reactions during last weeks episode.The hardest lesson I learned but still find hard to accept is that we just can't do that ;we can't protect those we love from things not under our control. But we can teach them how to look after themselves by trying to role model that ourselves. OK no prizes for that for me but it seems that like Birgitte I'm human too!

And so as she accepted the help, recognised her vulnerability, got cared for, her power returned, her roundness as a human being only enhancing her appeal. Let's  hope that continues. But there is still a plea from me. Lets not treat this health blip like she is just recovering from a cold. A cancer diagnosis, no matter how early, has an impact. In my role in Breakthrough, throughout my time as a nurse and now as a blogger and health advocate,I have heard the recurrent stories of those who wish people really understood the impact of cancer and that it doesn't end with treatment. In many ways that journey both psychological and physical is just starting. So I know Birgitte is a fictional character ( I do honestly!) and that the story is of people and politics, but if she shrugs off the cancer like a winter coat at the start of summer I will be pleased for her but then I really will know she isn't real.

Reasons to grateful.

After a busy but hugely enjoyable spell I am now on wind down toward Christmas and most especially time with the family over the festive period. How enormously grateful I am for that.

It seems impossible, till its done. Friday inspiration

Friday inspiration 
 Change is not based on effort, change is a creative process best not conducted as a war. 

I read this quote this week as part of the WEL programme and it has echoed over the week, not just in a personal sense but in how organisations can approach change too.
How many of us would recognise our own approach to change in ourselves and within our organisations past or present in the words "conducted as a war". How many gym memberships start that way, fitness classes, boot camps even! And how often do we catastrophise when we lose a battle that we have lost the whole war and so give up, eat or drink more, embrace the sofa and so much more. Wars are won or lost in traditional senses so even if you win temporarily , whats next? What damage needs repaired? What casualties have their been?

Instead a creative process feels so much more appealing. It's inspiring, it's stimulating, it's emergent, it has an energy and a flow. The energies therefore go into creating a future not so much on destroying a past. Suddenly it can feel such a different proposition. 

How would our organisations benefit from seeing a change process as a creative one, honouring the present and focussing on co creating a future with all,involved. How more engaged and excited do we become?

On a day where it feels a wonderful warm and inspiring light was extinguished, Madiba, let's  remember how he changed a very very troubled part of our world. He did it with warmth, with belief in our better selves, he listened , he loved unconditionally, he had a vision and convinced people they wanted it too-his humanity was his greatest gift to the work. What better legacy could their be for all of us to learn from that in all we do too. How his and others creativity was rewarded as their new nation emerged and turned away from war.

It always seems impossible until its done. Nelson Mandela. RIP

Kindness...a Friday inspiration.

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

~ Dalai Lama

Kindness is the theme of my Friday inspiration. I have experienced it from others this week and how that has lifted my life. When I attended my follow up clinic for breast cancer this week I was really a bit scared. For once I admitted that. Rather than wear my "I'm fine" face I said I'm feeling anxious. The change that gave me concern was nothing to worry about but may benefit from further surgery. I'm thinking about that meantime. But not only did I witness, the warmth, kindness and humour of those who attended me, I saw it towards others too. It was wonderful to watch.

And finally I want to acknowledge the kindness I see too in the 9 o'clock club we go to with the dog. It's not formal. It's a regular gathering of a wide mixture of people who bring their dogs together. Cara generally causes a bit of mayhem as she runs in and does a fly past at about 40 miles an hour but the all welcome her warmly (mostly!). But this week Shandy aged 18 years died. Leaving her owner alone. The genuine support, kindness and concern has moved all of us. Everyone's been so kind she said.

Now in a week where the White paper on Scotland's Future ( it's in my kindle, I'm getting round to it ,honest) I want to live in a nation where kindness is a core value. Whoever prioritizes that has my vote.

Have a good weekend and a great St Andrews day to my fellow Scots and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you for whom this is a special holiday.

 

Food glorious food?

Week two of the WEL course has a focus on food which was strangely relevant to me just now. After a nasty virus and subsequent chest infection, I have been left with still very brittle asthma and I'm often triggered by food. Pretty much anything can do it. I already have some known triggers like wheat, chocolate, apples and spices but just now it's even more. I'm taking my blue inhaler constantly and approach food with both hunger and alarm. Frankly it's so tiring and not a little embarrassing. And I feel a bit deprived somehow.

Our relationship with food is so complex isn't it? I find myself feeling quite distressed by approaching each meal with concern. Food isn't just a fuel after all, we use it to reward ourselves, we celebrate the sensual pleasure of eating and especially for me it's the social occasion I value...but I'm not someone you want to share a meal with at the moment-nae  pals Audrey, that's me!

But what a bizarre relationship we have now with food in our modern world. Research in rats showed when one group were fed with breakfast cereal and compared to the other group fed with the boxes the cereals came in; the healthier rats were the ones who were eating the boxes. What has gone wrong? As a child we ate local almost always and we grew our own vegetables too. In fact the angriest I ever saw my father was when the sheep from the field got through the fence and decimated his vegetable garden. We got the fish caught locally in Fife when the fish van came around, local stores sold local fruit and veg in season. Soup was a winter constant, made from all that was available. We even dabbled with our own chickens until my father found himself unable to kill one for Christmas dinner. His attempt became something of family fable.

But now we expect strawberries in December in Scotland, we transport food across the world just to freeze it and send it back again, we factory farm animals in grim circumstances in order to have cheap food in such quantities that we get fatter year on year.

We process food beyond recognition, we supersize so much that large quantities are becoming the norm. We watch food programmes constantly on TV and yet cook less and less at home. The food industry seduces us with sugar loaded foods and packaging that creates landfill nightmares. The media bombards us with quasi research that convinces us of one food myth then explodes it again at a later stage. We no longer can make sense of much of it all. How can we-when honestly it makes no sense at all. The simple message from the WEL is life feeds life so we need to eat as much of our food closest to its freshest state and close to home the better. Now that makes sense.

How do we turn back the tide  of our relationship with food, how do we make fresh food a reality for all not just the lucky few who can access local food at an affordable level? This is a job for governments local and national but each of us can make our own changes to rekindle our relationship with food, making it a more loving and less abusive relationship than it currently is. Read the chapter in the WEL, it's a compelling case for change.

Reasons to be cheerful.

Dr Reilly spoke at the person centred care collaborative last week and over five hundred people listened to his message. He was both compelling and challenging. Reminding us that transformational change won't come from minor shuffling of the cards......we need to commit to real change in our work and lives and honestly the time has to be now. I do hope we keep our courage and don't look back. It's not easy but do we really have a choice?

.... And I have just had my annual review and all was well. I'm considering whether undergo a little more surgery but I can’t decide yet and there is no rush. Ridding myself of the cough seems most important just now.

The L word...Friday inspiration

 

Tommy and his Mum

I have had a thought provoking and inspiring two days, with more than 500 others in Scotland travelling along the path towards person centred care and support. People at the centre of care and support, the strap line and how it's all about relationship. We are learning, oh how we are learning, and what inspired me was the well of enthusiasm for this work. At all levels. I witnessed real compassion and huge enthusiasm to make person centred care the norm for all. We even mentioned the L word. Love. Now I have joked many times its my middle name-that's because it is. Audrey Love Birt, it was my fathers middle name too. I'm proud of  that. And all through my childhood I was teased remorselessly about it. I rarely disclosed it but today I'm wanting to come clean. I like that we are talking openly about love and today at least I'm going to embrace that middle name!

And yes it's unconditional love that will move this agenda forward too. We heard that in spades from Tommy Whitelaw. Tommy told us his story. And the story of his Mum, Joan. Losing her to dementia, losing his life as it had been through the long lonely years as a carer and yet never losing his belief in all of our better selves nor his deep love for his Mum. Here is his blog to help you learn from his powerful story too. Thanks for your courage and gift to us Tommy. It will help so many others. 

Sewing the head back on the body?

The Orchid

"The greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind" Plato

It's been an inspiring week in so many ways. Although my own wellbeing has been stretched-I want to share some of my experience with you. I was invited to attend TheWEL course by the very special Dr David Reilly. David is a friend and colleague and through the years he has often inspired me and kept me focused on what I felt to be right. TheWEL in many ways is the culmination of his life's work, his learning as a doctor, a researcher and very importantly as a human being. His teaching is integrating all he has learned about wellbeing, it's helping too to put the head back on the body, understanding that they of course are connected. But importantly he is sharing this with us all on the course, without judgement so his learning will be ours to venture forward with.

The course is held at the NHS Centre for Integrative Care in Glasgow. It's a welcoming, light filled place. I approached with trepidation , wondering who else would be there, what would happen. I was very clear my purpose for taking part was multi layered. As a new trustee with the charity I was keen to see its work in action, I know already that any time with David is always a gift, I wanted to learn new information and skills for my work BUT I also knew that my own wellbeing remains shaky at times and so I was very keen to take a personal journey too.

Like the others in the group of over 20 I was drawn into the case for change smoothly and convincingly. The information was research based, a powerful story of how, through the stages of public health we have got to our current situation where we all knew what the modern epidemics were. They are not the cholera of the 1900's ; no they are obesity, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, depression, stress, fatigue. You know it too. And rather than being made to feel guilty about this during the afternoon we were invited to learn how we might personally be able to affect the change we need to enable our wellbeing, whatever our health challenges. Enabled not disabled, what a different concept that is.

We learned too that we can awaken the positive mood parts of brain through compassion. Yes, compassion for others but perhaps most importantly for ourselves. Through a technique called Heartmath  we learned how easy that could be. I already use mindfulness in my life and work but found this additionally helpful. The impact of the practice shifted the emotions in the room in a way you could almost touch.

 We were invited to visualise ourselves as a plant and how we might help the plant flourish. Any visualisation always reveals insights that our logical brains can miss. But I wasn't prepared for mine. I kept telling myself that the way I was feeling I should be the spider plant that lurked on top of a bookcase of mine some years ago. A sad looking beast with lots of tendrils in need of attention ( I couldn't reach it you see). But the image that came instead was my recently purchased orchid. It has brightened the autumn and winter room and it’s so lovely. Only two flowers are in full bloom just now, but many buds to bloom still. Ok, ok I know! That's not me, I thought, but also tried to make sense of it. Now it's always a risky thing to be a plant in my house but an orchid, well need I say more? I watch its fragile flourishing with awe and I'm so aware I need to take care of it. And so the analogy finally made sense. Indeed its fragility scares me at times. But I'm googling care of orchids as we speak!

Reasons to be grateful.

Something we were asked to do as part of the course. Five reasons to be grateful each day...do try it. Here are mine. My family who are my most treasured gifts, my friends who have supported me through this years -and others-ups and downs, my pets ( the cat joined me as I write this in bed), my colleagues and clients who enrich my life and the life I am fortunate to live in all its light and shade. Thank you.

 This is a mere glimpse in to the work of TheWELL, find out more here and over the next few weeks travel with me too if you wish.You can even download the manual for the website. I promise you won't regret it. I’m quite sure this is a journey for us all to benefit from-this is the way we all flourish.