Love bombs or working mojo?

I will admit to the odd rant at the news this week. It's a heightened time in Scotland as we approach a referendum on independence so we are getting used to political posturing.  In this week alone we have had the prime minister asking the rest of the UK to love bomb the Scots to persuade them to stay in the Union. I won't take it personally but I have had a distinct lack of love bombs from the south. I'm sure ever rising flood plains are a much bigger issue for most and rightly so. It's been a terrible spell of relentless rain and a large dose of misery for many. The spring cannot come soon enough.  

And then the chancellor arrived in my home town to tell us we can't have the pound if we vote Yes to independence. Whatever your voting intention you could be forgiven for thinking "but its our £ too". He didn't even stop for an Irn Bru.

But it wasn't that that made me lecture the newsreader. It was the pronouncement about the new procedures to focus on getting people back to work when they have been off for 4 weeks. Now I absolutely agree that returning to work is an important part of recovery and wellbeing so when people are well enough it's vital to get the support to get there.

But what about those who aren't well enough? What about people who are struggling to regain their health, whose emotional well-being is hard to measure but disabling nonetheless, who are living with long term conditions which mean a life with constant pain, breathlessness and so on? What of those on treatment for cancer: surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy the health depleting cocktail?

There is a recurrent rhetoric that people need to be encouraged back to work but interestingly our rate of absence through sickness is among the lowest in Europe and has halved over the past decades. So what is the problem we are trying to solve and even more importantly at what cost?

 I have seen this dilemma from both sides of the consulting desk. As a nurse I would frequently be advising people not to go back to work too soon, having seen many a tentative recovery crumble under the pressures of work. My honest recollection is I have never thought someone was deliberately avoiding work, perhaps I'm just lucky or seriously naive. But I know from my own experience my drive was always to go back too soon. It's the thing that signals the illness or treatment is over, life is returning to normal and for most of us that's what we want. Some jobs lend themselves more to easing yourself back in, or to escape from the isolation of your sickbed-but not all.

I eventually realised that although my treatment was over, my stamina had slipped out the door, my mojo missing in action. As a charity director it was a wonderfully challenging and motivating role but it didn't have an off switch. I had no need for anyone to encourage me back to work, I needed them to wave a magic wand and help me get back my wellbeing over night. No one could of course. My last year, working independently, being able to give life a different pace has allowed that, practicing mindfulness has helped, taking part in The WEL course a turning point too. There are no magic wands just the knowledge, space and rest to care for yourself mind, body and spirit enables your health to return.

That doesn't happen by merely pressurising people back to work, but I'm sure  courses like the WEL widely available would. As would mindfulness classes, self management support- from peers as well as professionals- make some of the difference to people. I wonder if our modern approach to medicine is part of the issue at play here? A culture used to taking a pill and getting better has lost a tradition of self care. If we are to protect people's long term wellbeing we need to help them relearn this. To understand that their modern medicines will be important but will not and can never be the whole story when recovering from illness or living with long term conditions. We need a health system that recognises this and values a holistic health as well as working environments and benefits systems that prioritise long term well-being. If we don't the costs will be so much more than financial.

Reasons to be cheerful

A family weekend awaits and I'm very much looking forward to it. The book is emerging as a much more real possibility now too. It's no guarantee anyone will read it of course!

Have a good weekend all. May the sun shine on you.

All you need is love...all together now.

I posted this a couple of years ago and its eerily topical-right down to losing at the rugby and the chest infection-so its for my even longer suffering husband as valentines day approaches.

An alternative Valentines…So here are my thoughts about what love really is to me

It's making my favourite soup when everything else makes me cough

It's putting up with Leonard Cohen on the iPod deck for the zillionth time

It's singing Flower of Scotland with my Mum (they are both English!) And not laughing when we lose the rugby (again)

It's knowing he's there for the kids, whatever it takes

It's not going Duh! when I say maybe I have been over doing it

It's saying I look lovely when I feel it least 
It's welcoming my friends in his life too

It's not resenting the job when it takes so much of me

It's making me laugh at the worst of times

It's letting me cry at the worst of times

It's not complaining when we have to change our plans again

It's supporting me when I decide to have more surgery

It's not flinching as I do when I see the prosthesis I need still to wear

It's being there in the bad and the good times

It's looking forward to celebrating the better times to come...

Part of the story but not it all?

The Field of Light St Andrews Square

It's been my birthday this week and you know how it goes with these dates in the year. It stimulates reflection on life and the universe and so forth, pledges to make this year special and I even asked for a food processor for the first time in my life! It's still in pristine condition but I will get there.....really. Perhaps my biggest decision however was to join a writing class. It's a wonderfully old Edinburgh experience with a tenement stair being the entry to a different world. Our workshop leader has a well thought out method and an engaging other worldliness. My sense is already that I will learn a lot and who knows what will emerge?

I haven't thought of elaborate fictional plots but instead wondered about a similar approach to my blog where I weave through my own experience, what I have learned about life and love ( in its widest sense-a Barbara Cartland is not not my goal!) and I started not quite clear of my path but trusting that this would emerge.But I found that whatever direction I try to go in my inner steering wheel pulls me back to my lived experience of cancer. I consciously decided I did not what this to be my focus, no desire for the condition to define who I am, it is behind me and so on but somehow my subconscious wont let me. Although my blog has meandered through this territory it hasn't encapsulated it all, hasn't brought together what this life experience has taught me and who I have become as a result. I'm beginning to conclude that's still a story to tell, maybe not a best seller but its my unfinished business. It kind of feels that I can't write anything else until I have written this.

My reluctance to make breast cancer my focus has also been that many have written about this too. The story has been told so to speak and mine isn't so different or any more interesting after all. But of course it's my own story and how it has made me who and what I am in all my guises and no one can do that but me.

Perhaps what has convinced me was the controversy this week about a campaign by a pancreatic cancer charity with an image and a quote saying "I  wish I had breast cancer". It's caused a huge response from the breast cancer community. I suspect I'm not the only person whose main reaction was not anger surprisingly but honestly, it was that I felt hurt. Not just for myself but for all those whose lives have been changed by and lost to breast cancer.  Hurt caused by one group in the cancer community to another is hard to understand or forgive. No one wants any cancer and that's an end to it. And it does seem that the hugely improved survival statistics mask so much still.  And so my proposed book will be my attempt to build empathy and understanding for this vulnerable community.....it seems that job is not yet done.

My birthday is shared with World Cancer Day and in previous years I have wishes to change the title to F*** Cancer Day-in part because I'm angry it's stolen my birthday....and so much more. But maybe it's also my reminder to accept that its part of my story too, but importantly not it all, oh no.

Reasons to be cheerful

I had a fun birthday and even saw an Edinburgh Tram that evening as we set off to see the beautiful field of light in St Andrews Square. The trams are not an urban myth after all and setting aside any rants about costs and mismanaged projects, they really are quite splendid. Their  elegant traversing of the city sure to enhance it. Also we went to a house party where two excellent musicians played traditional pipes, sang Gaelic songs and told tales from ancient times in Highland Scotland. It was uplifting and quite wonderful. What a gift they have a what a pleasure it was to be part of it. 

That's me under the hat-fortunately the tram  took off in the other direction!!

To nurture wisdom

 

The approach to Windsor castle

St George's Chapel

In recent years my January has been elevated by an annual trip to Windsor. I notice that I always prioritise it in my diary. Even on the Sunday evening as i set off in the cold my shivers are of anticipation. My first invitation was flattering and even though I am now in some ways an old timer, I still go through the thoughts about how did I slip through the net to get the chance to come here! The point the biographies come out is generally another such moment and its hard to be in the presence of such history and indeed historic power not to feel awed.
The Windsor leadership dialogue takes place within St Georges House within the castle grounds. The purpose of St George's House is to nurture wisdom and what an honour it is to be there. As well as a rich and stimulating dialogue we heard of the history of the Chapel, saw graves of monarchs ancient and modern and learned of the Order of the Garter, founded around 1344. The dialogue itself is confidential but its suffice to say, wisdom was nurtured, assumptions were challenged and I left stimulated and humbled and pondering on love and power. Next year is in the diary already.
And January closing means its a year since I left Breakthrough Breast Cancer and I look back on the year with a sense of awe as well. Every change has its gains and losses, time and energy is needed to move through the transition and this has been no different. I have grieved at times and felt joyful at times too.Thanks to all of you who have been there on the roller coaster with me. I wouldn't have missed this opportunity to work independently as a coach and consultant but the joy has come from all of you who have shared the journey with me. Last year at this time I was finalising my brand image below-what a difference a year makes!
Reasons to be cheerful:
I'm looking forward to this next year, working with so many great people and projects. The Windsor Dialogue has really inspired me again. I'm even thinking of writing a book...there I've said it. Wish me luck.

For a' that

January 25th is a special day in Scotland. Even as a wee girl I understood this. It is Burns birthday- our national bard. At school we practised his poetry ( the ones fit for young ears!), we had competitions, we wrote our own in our version of Scots, we celebrated.
As 2014 has begun I have had a sense of real awakening about what a referendum on independence might mean for us in Scotland. I have noticed more people are speaking about it, a sense of shifting sands. Naturally as we approach Burns night here we see a drive to link the two. Understandably the claims of what Burns would vote has invited  some counter positions and cries of stuff and nonsense. 
I can't see how we can claim what he would have voted some 300 years later but we can however perhaps understand the kind of society he would have called for. Burns was no role model for monogamy but his songs from the heart were not just about romantic love  but also about appealing to our better selves, to our sense of nationhood, how we relate to others personally and perhaps nationally.
We can use his words to test out our own values, the nation we want to see, how we relate to others not just in the UK but across the world. Do we want a society based on social justice and human rights, do we want to be an inclusive society, do we want to build good citizens of the future, do we want to support communities to flourish, do we want to be measured by our approach to health and social care. Will we be able to look our grandchildren in the eye and say I did my best for your future on this planet?
So I leave you with,not a guess of how he would vote,  but a hope that when we make our choice this year we make it with knowledge of the future we each want and the information to know what choice offers that.

Here's what Burns had to say on the world he wanted....

A Man's a man for a' that

Is there for honest Poverty 
That hings his head, an' a' that; 
The coward slave-we pass him by, 
We dare be poor for a' that! 
For a' that, an' a' that. 
Our toils obscure an' a' that, 
The rank is but the guinea's stamp, 
The Man's the gowd for a' that. 

What though on hamely fare we dine, 
Wear hoddin grey, an' a that; 
Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine; 
A Man's a Man for a' that: 
For a' that, and a' that, 
Their tinsel show, an' a' that; 
The honest man, tho' e'er sae poor, 
Is king o' men for a' that. 

Ye see yon birkie, ca'd a lord, 
Wha struts, an' stares, an' a' that; 
Tho' hundreds worship at his word, 
He's but a coof for a' that: 
For a' that, an' a' that, 
His ribband, star, an' a' that: 
The man o' independent mind 
He looks an' laughs at a' that. 

A prince can mak a belted knight, 
A marquis, duke, an' a' that; 
But an honest man's abon his might, 
Gude faith, he maunna fa' that! 
For a' that, an' a' that, 
Their dignities an' a' that; 
The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth, 
Are higher rank than a' that. 

Then let us pray that come it may, 
(As come it will for a' that,) 
That Sense and Worth, o'er a' the earth, 
Shall bear the gree, an' a' that. 
For a' that, an' a' that, 
It's coming yet for a' that, 
That Man to Man, the world o'er, 
Shall brothers be for a' that.

If you a celebrating Burns birthday, enjoy it, and ponder on the words.

No man is an island-the power of connection.

I did an exercise on values this week and discovered how important a value connection is to me. So perhaps its not surprisingly this week has been all about connection. I have been part of learning environments where it's notable that the deeper we connect the greater is our growth. I also witnessed a moving graduation ceremony where as individuals told their stories of the depth of their learning it was evident that their relationship with others was the key to their journey to understand themselves. The sense of loss of that connection, their formal journey having ended I could relate to and moved all who witnessed it.

Finale with all performers singing Lean on me.

The Concert for Carers was such a wonderful evening, sharing the creative talent of so many but each of the performers linked their work to the carers. Some spoke of their own journey as carers, their own tears shed as they told their personal stories. It connected us differently, no longer audience and performer, more a community enjoying the power of music and song to lift the soul. It's a unique atmosphere generally at Celtic Connections, the joy of the performers infectious in this festival during dark January days but this concert was particularly special, there is no doubt.

Yesterday again I was part of a group, forming deeper partnerships to fuel the PeoplePowered Health and Wellbeing  Project and feeling the connections made not only between agencies and their people but perhaps also with the root motivation of the work- it's all about powerful connections between people, to enable health and also wellbeing. I left feeling part of a community committed to making a difference and excited as well as inspired by our shared passion for this work.

And finally there was a deep sadness fell on our city last week when we heard of a small three year old boy who had gone missing, learning a few days later that his body had been found and a mother was charged with murder. It's hard to even write those words down. But what we also saw was a local community who joined initially to search and then finally to grieve and honour a brief life. A moving display of community connectedness that gives hope in such sad times.

Reasons to be grateful

I connect with so many inspiring and heart warming people in my work and life. And of course the blogging community I'm part of enriches my life and connects across so many parts of the world. Illness can disconnect and isolate people. Blogging I suspect has many roles but I recognise that for me I have loved that it has connected me to a wise and compassionate community who understand this particularly journey so well. Another reminder that what helps us through difficult times will always be our connection to others. 

No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were:

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind,

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.

John Donne